Not sure which blog to put this on, but I will start here.
Today, we hear a lot about the word, 'abuse'. What is abuse? Who is doing this abusing? Could there be other things involved? What really are the 'rights' that each of us has?
Let me recommend, that if you are a woman living with a man who is abusing you, you need to get out. But we need to define what abuse is and what it is not.
Parents set rules for their children. For example, expecting them to come home no later than 10 p.m. on a weekday night. That is not abuse. Children may think it is abuse, but it is just setting a boundary for their safety.
But what if a father insists on having a sexual relationship with his daughter? That would be abuse. Why? The daughter's body does not belong to her father. The daughter is only intended to have a sexual relationship with a man that she is married to. Her boundaries would be violated by a father who uses her sexually.
Boundaries are given to us by God. Everyone has them. Where we get confused is where we don't know where those boundaries are. We don't know where our parent's boundaries are, nor do we know where our friend's boundaries are, at times.
Some parents take away their children's boundaries. The children do not understand where their boundaries are, so when they become adults, this is very confusing to them. Could this be one reason why there is so much abuse going on these days?
Another confusing issue is this concept of a 'woman's right to her own body'. Where did that come from? If that concept were true, then if the baby she is carrying is a female, then her 'rights to her own body' would be being violated if she is aborted! Think about that one!
Society is trying to redefine what our 'rights' are and is coming up with some silly ideas. There are those who are now saying that children should not be identified as boys or girls until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to be. How old would a child have to be in order to decide this?
There are boundaries that are already set for us that we need to stay inside of. Stealing is an act of violated God's Commandment. We, left to our own thinking, do not see the harm in stealing from someone else if it benefits us. But if someone steals from us, that is a different story! The rules apply to each one of us. They keep us safe, and they keep others safe too.
How do you know if you are being abused? It's not when your so called 'rights' are being violated. But rather, it is when someone else violates your boundaries.
For all women; please do not let a man talk you into using your body for his sexual enjoyment. Even if this man is a good friend of yours, you need to keep your body pure. If the man really loves you, he will respect you. If you are in a good relationship with him, he may want to marry you. But if you give into him outside of a marriage relationship, you are cheating yourself and destroying your dignity as a human being. You are also allowing him to take advantage of you. He is crossing your boundary.
Many times, women get pregnant outside of a marriage relationship. Either the woman or the man who got the woman pregnant may think that the answer to this dilemma is to get an abortion. A man who pressures his girlfriend into getting an abortion is abusing her. He will also be guilty of murder when he stands before God. A woman who wants to hang onto this man is asking for trouble. She is putting herself into an abusive situation with this man. If this man is not responsible enough to take care of her and the baby he is now going to father, then the woman needs to get out of this relationship immediately.
Abusive situations will continue as long as we stay in them and allow them to continue. Instead of defending our 'rights', we need to protect our God-given boundaries. We are responsible for saying 'no' to those who want to take advantage of us. There are areas of our lives that do not belong to another person, and we can't allow that person to believe that he or she has the right to violate our boundaries.
