Good Book Recommendation

We are going through the series in our counseling class at this time. Tedd Tripp does a good job at helping us understand the difference between disciplining our children because of their behavior, or, showing our children what is going on in their hearts.

Many today want their children to behave properly. We have to look at our motives as to why do we want our children to behave properly. Good behavior is good, isn't it? Well, good behavior is a result of a heart that has been changed by the power of God. If we only deal with the behavior aspect of it, we don't reach the heart and the Gospel message will be missed by the child.

Some want their children to behave properly in order to make themselves look good. I remember falling into those traps when I was a young mother. I remember the days when my kids would be disruptive while we are shopping. To me, this was unacceptable behavior and I would react by being angry at them. We are supposed to be representing God. There is no room for bad behavior.

Some of what we fear has to do with peer pressure. Peer pressure isn't something we outgrow, or that just affects teenagers. It is a heart issue that has to be dealt with whatever age we are.

I began to see things a little differently when I was grocery shopping years ago. While paying for my stuff, there was a mom with several kids who were making a big ruckus. They were obviously out of control. People were looking at this family with disdain. Then the mom started to be out of control and was yelling at the kids in the store.

After I thought about this incident, I began to see it in a different light. Children, at times, are going to act up and do things that make us look bad. The problem is, people will look at us with glaring eyes and sneers with comments of how we must be bad parents. That is the American way. But if we look at it deeper, we can understand the fact that children will have bad behavior at times. Their hearts need to be dealt with. They need to see their self-centeredness and pride. If we don't teach those things to our children, they will grow up to be monster-like. And if we don't take time to train them, then we will react with anger toward them when they act up.

Anyway, here is a book that is highly recommended, that will help us understand how we can help our children to look at their own hearts. Yes, we discipline them but not because they make us angry, or embarrass us. We discipline them because we want them to learn 'the fear of the Lord'. That is the only way they will ever learn wisdom.

                                                              

Article On Why French Children Do Not Have ADHD But American Children Do

While this article is not written from a Christian perspective, it contains some valuable insights that we can learn from.

I always had my suspicions when I hear someone saying that their child or some child they know has ADHD and is being treated for it. Is it a heart problem, or does the child really have some kind of difficulty with being able to focus on something?

The article, written by a therapist, discusses the difference between the social life, and family environment that exists in France with the social life and family environment we have in America. Sadly, it seems that America has fallen into the trap of not disciplining their children properly and not providing their children with boundaries, which make the child feel secure. American parents are too preoccupied with their own lives to invest anything in the children, generally speaking.

Here is the url to the article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201203/why-french-kids-dont-have-adhd

Also notice, that in America, there seems to be a pressure to be meshed in with the pharmaceutical companies. They do not have this pressure in France. Although the article does not talk about heart issues, the French are closer in their way of thinking and treating this problem than we in America are. Could this be a result of so many churches and preachers preaching a weak, self-serving Gospel?

Notice how, in America, we take issues like ADHD and diagnose them as a biological problem. Why can't we go deeper into the issues and look at underlying causes for such diseases?

(I am not saying that every single time a child has ADHD, that it is caused by something wrong in the family.)

Excerpts from the article written by Marilyn Wedge, Ph.D

In the United States, at least 9 percent of school-aged children have been diagnosed with ADHD, and are taking pharmaceutical medications. In France, the percentage of kids diagnosed and medicated for ADHD is less than .5 percent. How has the epidemic of ADHD—firmly established in the U.S.—almost completely passed over children in France?

Is ADHD a biological-neurological disorder? Surprisingly, the answer to this question depends on whether you live in France or in the U.S. In the United States, child psychiatrists consider ADHD to be a biological disorder with biological causes. The preferred treatment is also biological—psycho stimulant medications such as Ritalin and Adderall.

French child psychiatrists, on the other hand, view ADHD as a medical condition that has psycho-social and situational causes. Instead of treating children's focusing and behavioral problems with drugs, French doctors prefer to look for the underlying issue that is causing the child distress—not in the child's brain but in the child's social context. They then choose to treat the underlying social context problem with psychotherapy or family counseling. This is a very different way of seeing things from the American tendency to attribute all symptoms to a biological dysfunction such as a chemical imbalance in the child's brain.