Here we go again. Another eye opener. Why is it that we think that, once we are married, we will live happily ever after?
Most of us get married thinking it will make us happy. And marriage can make us happy. But what happens when our spouse sins? Are we surprised? Do we get angry? Do we become disappointed?
Could it be that we have a wrong understanding of our sinful hearts and also of our spouse's? Many don't realize that when we come to Christ, although we are completely cleansed from our sins, we still have a sinful nature to contend with daily. Listen to this quote from Paul Tripp:
"It is when we face who we are and the fickleness of our hearts that we feel the need to have our hearts recaptured morning after morning. It is when we reflect on the fact that sin is not always a horror to us but sometimes appears positively attractive that we want to run into the protective arms of the Lord again and again. It is when we consider the dangerous temptation of this fallen world that we will want to get help for the battle day after day. It is fear of our own weakness that drives us to the Savior for strength. It is when we fear the power of foolishness that still remains in us that we are propelled to daily seek the wisdom that can be found only in the pages of Scripture."
Each one of us who have been born again has to make war against sin, every day. We all need the power of God to help us live a Godly life. Our spouses need the same. I like a quote from C.J. Mahaney which goes like this, "Sin, though inevitable, is never acceptable." Can we grasp this concept for ourselves? How about for our husbands and wives?
I'm not saying that we should let our spouses continue in sin. If our spouse is beating us up or abusing us, that needs to be addressed. But people have bad days. They get up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak. Can we be patient with our spouse and give grace to him or her? But even deeper than that, are we surprised when we fall into sin ourselves? In Proverbs 24:16 it says, "For a just man falls seven times, and rises up again: but the wicked will fall into mischief." God picks us up and dusts us off and will do the same for our spouses.
In Matthew 7, Jesus instructs us to take the log out of our own eyes, then we can take splinters out of other people's eyes. The key here is to deal with our own hearts before we deal with others. We have to deal with our own hearts because of remaining, indwelling sin. The Enemy of our souls will attack us with temptations only in the places where we are most vulnerable. We will not see those places, and that is why they get attacked. That is why we must be on guard and praying.
So, do not be surprised at your spouse's sins, and don't be surprised at your own. It happens to all of us. The Bible tells us to be on guard against sin. It also tells us to pray for one another. This is something to think about. Something worthwhile to ponder.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Many Motives We Have- The Flip Side
A couple of days ago, I wrote about the many motives we have as human beings. We can desire to share the Gospel, and really love people, and at the same time have a strong desire to be recognized for our great accomplishments! What a mixed bag we are!
I encouraged people to not give up on loved ones or friends who appear to be rebellious or obstinate toward the Gospel. We tend to look at people and think to ourselves, 'They will never come to Christ. Not with a heart like that." While it's true that they won't come to Christ with a 'heart like that', we have to always remember that God is a God of the impossible. Many have come to Christ, who, prior to their conversion, had hearts of stone, and who also mocked God and killed or harassed believers.
But we do have to be careful to not let people take advantage of us. We all need to learn to hear God's voice and become discerning. I have to think of David Wilkerson, at this point. He heard God's voice clearly, many times, and stepped out in faith and obedience. One of the hardest people he ever ministered to was a man named Nicky Cruz. I haven't finished reading (or listening to) The Cross and the Switchblade, but I do know that Nicky Cruz came to Christ and had a radical conversion. Yet, even David Wilkerson could not imagine Nicky coming to know the Lord, when they were first introduced to each other.
We love people and want to help them. We give to the poor. We are heartbroken over people's circumstances. But we do have to be careful to not let people take over our boundaries.
Many haven't learned how to set boundaries, for various reasons. We have boundaries though, and they need to be defined. Our pocketbooks have limits. Our time has to be rationed out. So, I am not saying that we should let people walk all over us when we are trying to help them. We set limits. It is a hard thing for some people to grasp, because they don't understand about limitations nor do they know the best ways they can be served.
I think about a person I counseled with for a long time. I learned a lot from her. She had some good understanding of the church, but at the same time, some ideas were warped. She pointed out that the church in the New Testament days, got together and put everything they had together, and sold things in order for people's needs to be met. A few people in the church had helped this woman tremendously with their finances and time, and whatever other resources they had available. But this woman didn't stop there. She believed people in the church should not take vacations and spend their money lavishly, but I couldn't see where people were doing that. Sure, people were taking vacations. One couple we knew of went on a cruise. But it was completely paid for by someone else. So, are we being selfish when we go on vacations and buy new cars? Shouldn't we take that money and use it to provide a ministry for people like my friend? When we counted all the money that had been spent on her, we realized the money was not just a couple of hundreds of dollars, but we are talking about several thousands of dollars. Yet she complained that she needed a lot more from us.
I am writing this because I believe we really should help people, especially poor people. But sometimes, people don't know where the limits are on others, and will try to manipulate them to give more money to them. We are not necessarily supposed to do that, although there may be occasions where we do that in order to provide relief. We also feel guilty because we give and give, but they always need more, and we can't keep giving. The Enemy of our souls, as well as those we are helping, makes us feel guilty or like a failure when we run out of resources to help them with. Don't fall for that trick.
So the flip side of helping people with different (and even opposite) motives, is to set boundaries for ourselves, and, as best as we can, help the other person or people that we are working with, understand what we are doing. Boundaries protect us, but they protect the other person as well. Something to think about.
I encouraged people to not give up on loved ones or friends who appear to be rebellious or obstinate toward the Gospel. We tend to look at people and think to ourselves, 'They will never come to Christ. Not with a heart like that." While it's true that they won't come to Christ with a 'heart like that', we have to always remember that God is a God of the impossible. Many have come to Christ, who, prior to their conversion, had hearts of stone, and who also mocked God and killed or harassed believers.
But we do have to be careful to not let people take advantage of us. We all need to learn to hear God's voice and become discerning. I have to think of David Wilkerson, at this point. He heard God's voice clearly, many times, and stepped out in faith and obedience. One of the hardest people he ever ministered to was a man named Nicky Cruz. I haven't finished reading (or listening to) The Cross and the Switchblade, but I do know that Nicky Cruz came to Christ and had a radical conversion. Yet, even David Wilkerson could not imagine Nicky coming to know the Lord, when they were first introduced to each other.
We love people and want to help them. We give to the poor. We are heartbroken over people's circumstances. But we do have to be careful to not let people take over our boundaries.
Many haven't learned how to set boundaries, for various reasons. We have boundaries though, and they need to be defined. Our pocketbooks have limits. Our time has to be rationed out. So, I am not saying that we should let people walk all over us when we are trying to help them. We set limits. It is a hard thing for some people to grasp, because they don't understand about limitations nor do they know the best ways they can be served.
I think about a person I counseled with for a long time. I learned a lot from her. She had some good understanding of the church, but at the same time, some ideas were warped. She pointed out that the church in the New Testament days, got together and put everything they had together, and sold things in order for people's needs to be met. A few people in the church had helped this woman tremendously with their finances and time, and whatever other resources they had available. But this woman didn't stop there. She believed people in the church should not take vacations and spend their money lavishly, but I couldn't see where people were doing that. Sure, people were taking vacations. One couple we knew of went on a cruise. But it was completely paid for by someone else. So, are we being selfish when we go on vacations and buy new cars? Shouldn't we take that money and use it to provide a ministry for people like my friend? When we counted all the money that had been spent on her, we realized the money was not just a couple of hundreds of dollars, but we are talking about several thousands of dollars. Yet she complained that she needed a lot more from us.
I am writing this because I believe we really should help people, especially poor people. But sometimes, people don't know where the limits are on others, and will try to manipulate them to give more money to them. We are not necessarily supposed to do that, although there may be occasions where we do that in order to provide relief. We also feel guilty because we give and give, but they always need more, and we can't keep giving. The Enemy of our souls, as well as those we are helping, makes us feel guilty or like a failure when we run out of resources to help them with. Don't fall for that trick.
So the flip side of helping people with different (and even opposite) motives, is to set boundaries for ourselves, and, as best as we can, help the other person or people that we are working with, understand what we are doing. Boundaries protect us, but they protect the other person as well. Something to think about.
Monday, September 23, 2013
The Many Motives We Have
"Our motives, are mixed, at best" says C.J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries. I had never heard that before, neither had I ever thought about it until then.
I believe he was referencing how easy it is to preach a message and have different motives while doing so. But I believe this applies to every person who has come to Christ and trusted in Him for salvation.
What do I mean by this, and why am I writing a blog on it? The answer is simply because many of us counsel people or have difficult relationships with our children or other family members, and we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
We can become so easily discouraged when we are working with someone, and we know, usually because of past experiences, that the person we are dealing with is manipulating, or trying to use us in some way. This problem is very common in families and relationships in the church and workplace.
We have this relationship with a person, and the person has tried to rip us off or deceive us in some way, so we assume that the person will always hate us or try to use us. But here is where we have to be careful, because many times, people have more than one motive in what they are trying to do. Let me give an example.
Years ago, I worked in a place where there were mostly young women. I was nineteen at the time, and God was working in my heart through the process of sanctification. I was being changed and loved sharing the Gospel with others (as best as I knew how). There was a coworker who was a sixteen year old girl who must have dropped out of school. Her mom had been married a few times but at that time, she was single, I believe. The girl seemed to live in an unreal world. She ended up meeting a guy and two weeks later married him. There were times when this young woman would ask a question concerning the Gospel. Sometimes, I would give her a tract and she seemed interested. But some times, I would find the tract in the garbage! Disappointing. But, how do I know that God wasn't working in her heart? I don't. I would tend to believe that she would just stay in ignorance forever because I would find a tract in the garbage or she would make a stupid decision like marrying someone she just met. I would write people like this off. I was assuming that her only motive was to be deceptive, but now I know that deceptive people can even have other motives for what they do, and sometimes, those motives are good ones.
The reason for mixed motives in us is simple: We were created in God's image and the human race was plunged into sin and darkness with the fall. We are a fallen race of people, yet still bear the image of God, although marred.
One more set of examples here. David Wilkerson, who wrote 'The Cross and the Switchblade' lived a life of faith that ended up bearing good fruit. He dealt with cruel, deceptive people who had no hope of the Gospel. In a sense, he entrusted himself to these people and showed love to them. He believed in faith that God was going to save them. I know what I would be guilty of in this kind of situation. I would think that if God were going to save these people, then He can reach them without me. If they really want to get saved, they can come to Christ by God working in their hearts. If I saw manipulation in them, or their trying to trick me, I would say goodbye to them. Not David Wilkerson. He loved people and saw past their manipulation. This is an encouragement to me.
We have gone downtown to serve food and share the Gospel with the homeless, and we see a lot of manipulation. One guy that went down there got his wallet stolen. We were warned to not bring wallets or purses with us because they know who is new and naive, and they will try to take advantage of people. Is that a good reason to not go back there again? Of course not! We don't bring money with us, nor do we try to make something happen that can't happen (like provide a place for them to live). These people need to hear the Gospel and come to Christ. Only then will they have a new heart with new desires. And as time goes on, they will become less and less manipulative and deceitful.
Don't let people's bad motives stop you from loving them! You might be the only Gospel message and hope that they will ever see. God can save anyone, even that sneaky relative you have. So, be patient with people and don't give up on them. And don't forget to pray for that person. Only eternity will reveal the impact of our love and patience with people. We will be surprised on That Day of those who came to Christ, because we didn't give up on them.
I believe he was referencing how easy it is to preach a message and have different motives while doing so. But I believe this applies to every person who has come to Christ and trusted in Him for salvation.
What do I mean by this, and why am I writing a blog on it? The answer is simply because many of us counsel people or have difficult relationships with our children or other family members, and we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
We can become so easily discouraged when we are working with someone, and we know, usually because of past experiences, that the person we are dealing with is manipulating, or trying to use us in some way. This problem is very common in families and relationships in the church and workplace.
We have this relationship with a person, and the person has tried to rip us off or deceive us in some way, so we assume that the person will always hate us or try to use us. But here is where we have to be careful, because many times, people have more than one motive in what they are trying to do. Let me give an example.
Years ago, I worked in a place where there were mostly young women. I was nineteen at the time, and God was working in my heart through the process of sanctification. I was being changed and loved sharing the Gospel with others (as best as I knew how). There was a coworker who was a sixteen year old girl who must have dropped out of school. Her mom had been married a few times but at that time, she was single, I believe. The girl seemed to live in an unreal world. She ended up meeting a guy and two weeks later married him. There were times when this young woman would ask a question concerning the Gospel. Sometimes, I would give her a tract and she seemed interested. But some times, I would find the tract in the garbage! Disappointing. But, how do I know that God wasn't working in her heart? I don't. I would tend to believe that she would just stay in ignorance forever because I would find a tract in the garbage or she would make a stupid decision like marrying someone she just met. I would write people like this off. I was assuming that her only motive was to be deceptive, but now I know that deceptive people can even have other motives for what they do, and sometimes, those motives are good ones.
The reason for mixed motives in us is simple: We were created in God's image and the human race was plunged into sin and darkness with the fall. We are a fallen race of people, yet still bear the image of God, although marred.
One more set of examples here. David Wilkerson, who wrote 'The Cross and the Switchblade' lived a life of faith that ended up bearing good fruit. He dealt with cruel, deceptive people who had no hope of the Gospel. In a sense, he entrusted himself to these people and showed love to them. He believed in faith that God was going to save them. I know what I would be guilty of in this kind of situation. I would think that if God were going to save these people, then He can reach them without me. If they really want to get saved, they can come to Christ by God working in their hearts. If I saw manipulation in them, or their trying to trick me, I would say goodbye to them. Not David Wilkerson. He loved people and saw past their manipulation. This is an encouragement to me.
We have gone downtown to serve food and share the Gospel with the homeless, and we see a lot of manipulation. One guy that went down there got his wallet stolen. We were warned to not bring wallets or purses with us because they know who is new and naive, and they will try to take advantage of people. Is that a good reason to not go back there again? Of course not! We don't bring money with us, nor do we try to make something happen that can't happen (like provide a place for them to live). These people need to hear the Gospel and come to Christ. Only then will they have a new heart with new desires. And as time goes on, they will become less and less manipulative and deceitful.
Don't let people's bad motives stop you from loving them! You might be the only Gospel message and hope that they will ever see. God can save anyone, even that sneaky relative you have. So, be patient with people and don't give up on them. And don't forget to pray for that person. Only eternity will reveal the impact of our love and patience with people. We will be surprised on That Day of those who came to Christ, because we didn't give up on them.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Whatever Happened to Marriage?
I see the affects of broken homes everywhere, and have to ask the question, 'Why?' But before I attempt to answer the question, I want to make very sure that what I write is clear and that my readers won't read in things I am not saying.
First of all, you might be a divorced person. Marriages that end in divorce, generally have one spouse who is the perpetrator (cause) and the other person is the victim. You might have entered marriage with the intention of having the best marriage possible, but your spouse didn't have that same vision, or didn't keep that vision. Also, it goes both ways. Men are perpetrators, but women are as well. This is not a gender issue or attack. I have seen where men leave their wives for other women, but I have to remember that even in my own family, where there was divorce, it was the women who wanted out of the marriage.
A married person might be thinking, "I don't love him anymore. Why should we stay married?" Or another person could be having an affair on the side, and when caught, then that person turns against his family because he wants out so he can pursue his other lover without the hinderance of a family.
If you are a victim of having a spouse who dumped you, then can I encourage you to stay close to those in your church? You will need the support of others and encouragement from those who have suffered and are able to help. You may have done things wrong in your relationship with your spouse, but it is not necessarily your fault that your husband or wife wanted out. I believe God has a special grace for you and will help you, especially if you are a single parent. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Have others pray for you and your family. God is for you, if you know Him.
I think there are two basic reasons why people end up in a divorced situation. In our culture today, we have forgotten God. We don't fear Him, nor do we respect Him as a people. We think that His word is passe. That worked for Adam and Eve and Moses, but we are in a new day. But what does the Bible say? It tells us that God never changes. His principles and rules still apply today. Just because we commit adultery and get away with it doesn't mean that God isn't going to deal with it. If we are a child of God, then when we sin, God chastens us. It causes us to want to repent and be truly sorry for the wrong we have done. If we sin and nothing happens as a consequence, we need to be concerned. If we sin and get away with it, could it be that we really aren't one of God's children? In the Bible, every person is either a child of God or a child of the devil. If a person has been born again, then he or she is born into God's family and is His child. God promises to chasten us when we disobey Him. It is a good thing, but not necessarily pleasant. Ultimately, we will face God and our sins will be dealt with. They will be dealt with either at the Cross, or, on Judgment Day.
Another reason why we turn to divorce is because of the influence and training of our culture. We have taken the concept which believes that when God's word conflicts with culture, then God's word must bend to what the culture says. In this case, and most people really don't realize what is going on, but culture insists on the belief system of convenience. Whatever is easiest. Whatever is most comfortable. Those are the values we cherish today. Whatever happened to doing hard things? I have heard so many people end up in divorce simply because they don't love their spouse anymore. Do they not realize that his or her spouse is a human being with feelings and a soul? Do these people think of their spouses as some kind of toy that they got bored with? Whatever happened to responsibility? I can tell you that responsibility is not really taught today, for it violates the concept of making an easy life for yourself.
Years ago, when my dad was alive, he made some interesting statements. One of them was in reference to people, young men in particular, that he noticed were either lazy or irresponsible. My dad said that they should go in the army. When boys went into the army, they came out as different men. They had to learn responsibility. They had no choice. But today the army is optional and only those motivated to be part of it will join.
When I was a child, divorce was rare. I am not saying that every person's marriage was great, but, at least there were family units that were whole. But today, the pendulum is swung in the opposite direction. In fact, many today choose not to marry but to live together in a marriage-like relationship, without taking the vows. Many don't want the responsibility of marriage so they just cohabitate instead.
So, in conclusion, there are at least two reasons people feel free to divorce today. One is the lack of the fear of the Lord, and the other is that we don't want anything that requires hard work. Sadly, the ratio of divorce is equal to or greater in the church than it is in the world. But that is no surprise to me when 'Christian' song artists have a light view of marriage as well as many pastors who hold God's word lightly. There are other Gospels besides the only true one, and one Gospel would teach that God's desire for you is to make you happy. As one Christian song artist states, "If you aren't happy in your marriage, then I say, get out of it", which this woman did exactly as she recommends. Another Christian song artist did a similar thing in divorcing her husband because she didn't love him anymore. But this thinking is unscriptural and unacceptable. God does not give us permission to divorce our spouses on the basis of our happiness or our lack of love for someone.
Marriage is hard work, and we all need God's grace to make a marriage work. Any person who is a true believer (follower) of Jesus Christ needs to be involved in a Bible believing church. When we really grasp how bad our sins are before a holy God, and recognize the mercy His has toward us, we will be able to extend that mercy to our spouses. But if we think we 'deserve' something better than what we have, we have misunderstood the Gospel and bought into the lie of the culture that teaches us that we are 'entitled' to good things and prosperity. Prosperity is a blessing from God. God promises to give us good gifts if we know Him. But these blessings are gifts and not things we receive because we deserve them. If we get what we deserve, we would get hell. And rightly so, because that is what sin does for us. "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ".
Perhaps you do not know God yet and are not in a right relationship with Him. If you would like more information on this, please go to: The Gospel Conversation or http://test4gp.wordpress.com This issue could not be more serious. Something to think about.
First of all, you might be a divorced person. Marriages that end in divorce, generally have one spouse who is the perpetrator (cause) and the other person is the victim. You might have entered marriage with the intention of having the best marriage possible, but your spouse didn't have that same vision, or didn't keep that vision. Also, it goes both ways. Men are perpetrators, but women are as well. This is not a gender issue or attack. I have seen where men leave their wives for other women, but I have to remember that even in my own family, where there was divorce, it was the women who wanted out of the marriage.
A married person might be thinking, "I don't love him anymore. Why should we stay married?" Or another person could be having an affair on the side, and when caught, then that person turns against his family because he wants out so he can pursue his other lover without the hinderance of a family.
If you are a victim of having a spouse who dumped you, then can I encourage you to stay close to those in your church? You will need the support of others and encouragement from those who have suffered and are able to help. You may have done things wrong in your relationship with your spouse, but it is not necessarily your fault that your husband or wife wanted out. I believe God has a special grace for you and will help you, especially if you are a single parent. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Have others pray for you and your family. God is for you, if you know Him.
I think there are two basic reasons why people end up in a divorced situation. In our culture today, we have forgotten God. We don't fear Him, nor do we respect Him as a people. We think that His word is passe. That worked for Adam and Eve and Moses, but we are in a new day. But what does the Bible say? It tells us that God never changes. His principles and rules still apply today. Just because we commit adultery and get away with it doesn't mean that God isn't going to deal with it. If we are a child of God, then when we sin, God chastens us. It causes us to want to repent and be truly sorry for the wrong we have done. If we sin and nothing happens as a consequence, we need to be concerned. If we sin and get away with it, could it be that we really aren't one of God's children? In the Bible, every person is either a child of God or a child of the devil. If a person has been born again, then he or she is born into God's family and is His child. God promises to chasten us when we disobey Him. It is a good thing, but not necessarily pleasant. Ultimately, we will face God and our sins will be dealt with. They will be dealt with either at the Cross, or, on Judgment Day.
Another reason why we turn to divorce is because of the influence and training of our culture. We have taken the concept which believes that when God's word conflicts with culture, then God's word must bend to what the culture says. In this case, and most people really don't realize what is going on, but culture insists on the belief system of convenience. Whatever is easiest. Whatever is most comfortable. Those are the values we cherish today. Whatever happened to doing hard things? I have heard so many people end up in divorce simply because they don't love their spouse anymore. Do they not realize that his or her spouse is a human being with feelings and a soul? Do these people think of their spouses as some kind of toy that they got bored with? Whatever happened to responsibility? I can tell you that responsibility is not really taught today, for it violates the concept of making an easy life for yourself.
Years ago, when my dad was alive, he made some interesting statements. One of them was in reference to people, young men in particular, that he noticed were either lazy or irresponsible. My dad said that they should go in the army. When boys went into the army, they came out as different men. They had to learn responsibility. They had no choice. But today the army is optional and only those motivated to be part of it will join.
When I was a child, divorce was rare. I am not saying that every person's marriage was great, but, at least there were family units that were whole. But today, the pendulum is swung in the opposite direction. In fact, many today choose not to marry but to live together in a marriage-like relationship, without taking the vows. Many don't want the responsibility of marriage so they just cohabitate instead.
So, in conclusion, there are at least two reasons people feel free to divorce today. One is the lack of the fear of the Lord, and the other is that we don't want anything that requires hard work. Sadly, the ratio of divorce is equal to or greater in the church than it is in the world. But that is no surprise to me when 'Christian' song artists have a light view of marriage as well as many pastors who hold God's word lightly. There are other Gospels besides the only true one, and one Gospel would teach that God's desire for you is to make you happy. As one Christian song artist states, "If you aren't happy in your marriage, then I say, get out of it", which this woman did exactly as she recommends. Another Christian song artist did a similar thing in divorcing her husband because she didn't love him anymore. But this thinking is unscriptural and unacceptable. God does not give us permission to divorce our spouses on the basis of our happiness or our lack of love for someone.
Marriage is hard work, and we all need God's grace to make a marriage work. Any person who is a true believer (follower) of Jesus Christ needs to be involved in a Bible believing church. When we really grasp how bad our sins are before a holy God, and recognize the mercy His has toward us, we will be able to extend that mercy to our spouses. But if we think we 'deserve' something better than what we have, we have misunderstood the Gospel and bought into the lie of the culture that teaches us that we are 'entitled' to good things and prosperity. Prosperity is a blessing from God. God promises to give us good gifts if we know Him. But these blessings are gifts and not things we receive because we deserve them. If we get what we deserve, we would get hell. And rightly so, because that is what sin does for us. "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ".
Perhaps you do not know God yet and are not in a right relationship with Him. If you would like more information on this, please go to: The Gospel Conversation or http://test4gp.wordpress.com This issue could not be more serious. Something to think about.
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