I was thinking about something I read a long time ago, probably in the newspaper written by some 'expert' about children being affected by divorce. It seemed that this person didn't think that children would be adversely affected by divorce, but I never could agree with this conclusion.
I heard something on the radio yesterday that is more realistic when it comes to the affects of divorce. It was a short little program where a man who was a doctor told of a little girl who came into his office because of bad stomach pains. The doctor drew the little girl out by asking her questions. After asking questions he found out that the little girl and her family were living in a homeless shelter. Why? Because Daddy found another lady to love and didn't want to take care of his family anymore!
So, divorce really doesn't hurt anyone, right? Wrong. When a divorce takes place, children feel guilty. Sometimes, the child of the divorced parents feel that he or she is to blame for the divorce. Of course, that is Satan's lie to try to destroy the child. If Satan can get the parents to divorce, then certainly the child is open for his tactics as well.
I don't think it takes a genius to understand that divorce is harmful to children. You might be asking then, what about me? What about what I want? Why do I have to stay married to the same person if I want someone else?
50 + years ago, people thought twice about things like divorce. If the marriage was hard (and most marriages are), people were mature enough to try to work through their problems. They stuck it out, even though the grass seemed greener in other places. But, the situation of divorce goes much deeper than just sticking it out. When two people get married, they are committing themselves to each other, before a holy God. They are promising that they will stay with each other until one or the other dies.
The big problem today, and the reason why people so easily divorce, is that society has taught us to take the easy way out of our problems, and it seems like divorce is the easier way out than to stick with something like a commitment to someone that we don't want to stay with anymore. Lawyers make a lot of money from divorce cases. Society has also taught us that we 'deserve' better than what we get. Well, if we get what we deserve from God, we would end up in hell! But God is merciful. He gives us good gifts. He also gives us problems to work through, so that we will grow and be changed through them.If we buy into society's lie in avoiding problems, we will become myopic and self-centered, and we will never grow or change. Of course, if a person is outside of Christ, he or she won't see any need to grow or be changed. That person will only be self-centered and self-seeking the rest of his or her life. No one outside the grace of God can die to their selfishness and live for others.
The other reason people get divorced, is because they want to be married or have a relationship with someone they are not married to. In America today, we can get a lot of things. We have money that can buy us things and we think those things will make us happy. Our marriages begin to drift and we start looking around for someone who will pay attention to us. We are intrigued by someone other than our spouse, and then we don't think it is a big deal to leave our spouse and family for that 'other' person. We have little or no motivation to remain faithful to the one we made vows with. Basically, we lost our fear of God and become selfish again and want to do our own thing. Of course, it is easy to get away with it in America because money buys everything and we have a lot of money.
What we need to realize is that God is holy, and we need to fear Him. We need to respect Him for who He is. We need to learn what the Bible says about Him, instead of thinking of Him as a Cosmic Santa Claus or a sweatered grandfather who spoils his grandchildren. He is God and we are going to give account to Him one day. He knows when we are lusting after another person. He knows when we want to get out of our marriages. He wants to help us out of our sin and deception. His ways are higher than our ways.
We need to be praying for our families. Men need to lead spiritually. Women need to respect their husbands. Husbands need their wives as help mates. We all need God's help in our lives and marriages. The power of the Cross will help us to die to our selfishness and live for Him. Only when we have a new heart and the grace of God can we live a life that is truly fulfilling and glorifying to God.
One more thing; if you are a product of a divorce please don't feel condemned by this article. And if you were the cause of a divorce, God can help you to repent and be restored. There is hope and healing for people who were involved in divorce. Please find a place where you can get counseling and help. And lastly, if you are having an affair and have made the decision to divorce your spouse and go on with the affair, please repent! You are on dangerous ground! The ramifications of your decision will be devastating. God can help you break the hold of sin on your life!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
You Don't Need Counseling, You Just Need The Bible
I have often heard, whether openly or more subtly, that Biblical counseling is not really a necessary thing. You only need to use the Bible with people in helping them with their problems.
This kind of thinking is making a couple of false assumptions. It is assuming that Biblical counseling can be done by giving out Bible verses when people have problems, much like giving out a necessary vitamin or supplement when a person has a physical need and is lacking in a particular type of nourishment. It assumes that the counselee can just simply be ministered to by finding the appropriate Bible verses or passages that pertain to his or her problems. But it goes much deeper than that.
The Bible talks about how we are to be doers of the word, and not only hearers, lest we be deceived. I think this is part of what I am trying to get at. Many of us know Bible verses. We know the verses that pertain to worry, fear, needing wisdom, trusting God for our needs, etc. It would be easy to tell a person not to worry because the Bible says that we can cast our cares upon God for He careth for us. Or we can tell the person that he or she can trust God because God takes care of the sparrows and we are more important than sparrows.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with pointing out those verses to people who need to hear them. But what happens when we tell someone not to worry because we should be casting our cares upon God, and a month or two later, the person comes to us falling apart because they tried to do what the Bible said and they still had the problem with worry and the problem led them to a worse state. Plus now, there is condemnation in their minds because they feel like they have failed God. What's a person to do? What's a counselor to do?
Giving out Bible verses like vitamins in counseling doesn't do the job the way it was intended to. First of all, you have to give the whole picture of what is going on. You have to help the person to identify his or her sin (not just the symptom). You have to point them to the power of the Cross. They have to understand why their sin is there, so they can look at their heart and repent. Then they need the power of God, provided by the Cross, to help them over come their sin. Simply speaking, they need to apply the Word of God to their hearts, not just know what it says in their minds.
In some ways, Biblical counseling is like discipleship. Jesus told us to be fishers of men. He also told us to be disciplers of men and women. Biblical counselors need to become skilled in teaching the word of God. The word of God needs to be taught, but even more importantly, it needs to be applied to the heart. That is the heart of Biblical counseling.
I understand that today in modern evangelicalism, many think that we get saved, go to church, preach the Gospel so others can get saved, go to church and bring our converts there, teach the converts how to preach the Gospel so others can be saved and come into the church. What is missing from this? The whole subject of sanctification is. I'm sure that some people think that sanctification and justification are basically the same thing, and since we are saved by faith, then we are justified by faith, and that we are automatically sanctified, so, that is the end of that. Now we just tell others the Gospel and they will get saved, so they can tell others the Gospel, and so on. But sanctification has to happen in our own lives, and if it doesn't we won't be spiritually healthy people, and the church won't be healthy either.
Sanctification is spiritual growth. It is God working in us, changing us by His grace. It is as we feed upon God's word, we grow spiritually. It is not just memorizing Scriptures, but, letting those Scriptures become part of us. We digest them. We live them out by the grace of God. If we just memorize Scripture and never apply it to our lives, we become deceived and spiritually malnourished.
One more angle to look at. The devil knows the word of God better than any human being. I think sometimes we know the Scriptures and try to use them, but unless they are working with the Holy Spirit in the person's life that we are counseling, they will only be like words on paper. They have to be activated in our lives by the Holy Spirit. If they aren't, then we end up in legalism. I have a saying that a friend came up with, and it goes like this; Grace without Truth = Lawlessness. Truth without Grace = Legalism. But Grace plus Truth = Liberty. That is what we want for our counselees; liberty. Not liberty to sin or be selfish, but liberty to be free from the bonds of sin so we can serve God and live out our lives for His glory. And that is why we do Biblical counseling.
This kind of thinking is making a couple of false assumptions. It is assuming that Biblical counseling can be done by giving out Bible verses when people have problems, much like giving out a necessary vitamin or supplement when a person has a physical need and is lacking in a particular type of nourishment. It assumes that the counselee can just simply be ministered to by finding the appropriate Bible verses or passages that pertain to his or her problems. But it goes much deeper than that.
The Bible talks about how we are to be doers of the word, and not only hearers, lest we be deceived. I think this is part of what I am trying to get at. Many of us know Bible verses. We know the verses that pertain to worry, fear, needing wisdom, trusting God for our needs, etc. It would be easy to tell a person not to worry because the Bible says that we can cast our cares upon God for He careth for us. Or we can tell the person that he or she can trust God because God takes care of the sparrows and we are more important than sparrows.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with pointing out those verses to people who need to hear them. But what happens when we tell someone not to worry because we should be casting our cares upon God, and a month or two later, the person comes to us falling apart because they tried to do what the Bible said and they still had the problem with worry and the problem led them to a worse state. Plus now, there is condemnation in their minds because they feel like they have failed God. What's a person to do? What's a counselor to do?
Giving out Bible verses like vitamins in counseling doesn't do the job the way it was intended to. First of all, you have to give the whole picture of what is going on. You have to help the person to identify his or her sin (not just the symptom). You have to point them to the power of the Cross. They have to understand why their sin is there, so they can look at their heart and repent. Then they need the power of God, provided by the Cross, to help them over come their sin. Simply speaking, they need to apply the Word of God to their hearts, not just know what it says in their minds.
In some ways, Biblical counseling is like discipleship. Jesus told us to be fishers of men. He also told us to be disciplers of men and women. Biblical counselors need to become skilled in teaching the word of God. The word of God needs to be taught, but even more importantly, it needs to be applied to the heart. That is the heart of Biblical counseling.
I understand that today in modern evangelicalism, many think that we get saved, go to church, preach the Gospel so others can get saved, go to church and bring our converts there, teach the converts how to preach the Gospel so others can be saved and come into the church. What is missing from this? The whole subject of sanctification is. I'm sure that some people think that sanctification and justification are basically the same thing, and since we are saved by faith, then we are justified by faith, and that we are automatically sanctified, so, that is the end of that. Now we just tell others the Gospel and they will get saved, so they can tell others the Gospel, and so on. But sanctification has to happen in our own lives, and if it doesn't we won't be spiritually healthy people, and the church won't be healthy either.
Sanctification is spiritual growth. It is God working in us, changing us by His grace. It is as we feed upon God's word, we grow spiritually. It is not just memorizing Scriptures, but, letting those Scriptures become part of us. We digest them. We live them out by the grace of God. If we just memorize Scripture and never apply it to our lives, we become deceived and spiritually malnourished.
One more angle to look at. The devil knows the word of God better than any human being. I think sometimes we know the Scriptures and try to use them, but unless they are working with the Holy Spirit in the person's life that we are counseling, they will only be like words on paper. They have to be activated in our lives by the Holy Spirit. If they aren't, then we end up in legalism. I have a saying that a friend came up with, and it goes like this; Grace without Truth = Lawlessness. Truth without Grace = Legalism. But Grace plus Truth = Liberty. That is what we want for our counselees; liberty. Not liberty to sin or be selfish, but liberty to be free from the bonds of sin so we can serve God and live out our lives for His glory. And that is why we do Biblical counseling.
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