My Struggle With Helping Those Affected By Trauma

I am just absolutely torn right now. My goal has always been to help people, and to help them to know who they are in Christ, and to help them to be built up spiritually.

For the past several years, I have been in a struggle, which has caused me to do a lot of research on. Not only have I done research on this subject, but, I have also had personal experience with this serious issue in people's lives.

The struggle is, many adults today are suffering from mental illnesses and issues who seem unreachable. These people end up getting ministered to, then they stab the backs of people who tried to help them. Did they want help, to begin with? What happened?

Here is the problem; Satan knows that when human beings are little, they are formidable and can be molded, shaped, destroyed, and remade by cruel people, like abusive adults or older children or relatives.

Did you know that in the 50s and 60s, highly intelligent people were brought over to America, who were part of the war? America reasoned that if she doesn't take them, Russia would have, and then Russia would have had the advantage of the expertise of these geniuses.

These 'geniuses' worked with the CIA in certain parts of the country (Not everyone in the CIA or government was aware of what was going on. Only a few knew.) These geniuses were doctors, like Doctor Josef Mengele (also known as Dr. Black), and they would work with children using mind control techniques on them.

These children were taken to a special place (according to a friend, they were called, 'Safe Houses'), and they were basically deprived of food, sleep, etc. until they could become compliant. Once they got the children to become compliant, they would work with them using control methods, such as shock treatments. The goal was to destroy the mind, and remake it, according to their experimental desires. Some little girls were programmed to be used sexually, while some children would be trained militarily. Many of these children were also tormented by their parents with Satanic Ritual Abuse. As a result of this, the children developed multiple personalities.

Also, what has been going on in our country for the last decades, seems to be an invasion of sexual predators and sexual abusers, especially in families. This also destroys children's minds and results in multiple personalities at the same time.

Fast forward to the present. What we see now are adults coming through the church, who are obviously suffering some kind of mental difficulty. It is now almost predictable how they will respond to our help. Many start off seemingly wanting to be helped. They seem to be helped when someone prays for them or helps them with a physical need, etc. But then, something strange happens. After a while of being helped and working through the pain, the person becomes ungrateful and turns on those who are helping him or her.

After working with a couple of people who are like this, I do have an answer that may help. But the whole response depends upon how desperate the person is to be healed and helped. People with multiple personalities have a hard time understanding boundaries. They see boundaries as a weapon of hate. When talking with someone who counsels with these people, I was told that the reason my friend struggled with boundaries, is that she never had proper boundaries placed around her when she was little, and as a result, she will trespass my boundaries.

Recently, I became a friend to a lady who has all the characteristics of multiple personalities (also known as D.I.D. - Dissociative Identity Disorder). This woman knows the Scriptures. But she needs help. Even though she can quote Scripture excellently, she is harboring anger toward men in the church, because they have boundaries and are placing them around her.

In this lady's mind, she would believe that her need for healing is greater than the need for the rest of us to worship God. She was disruptive during the service and asked to be quiet (which she refused to do). She accused those who told her to be quiet of being judgmental and hateful to her. Her friends, who used to help her in many ways, are being careful now, knowing that she is angry with them for not helping her anymore.

This kind of behavior and thinking is not new. I am not making fun of people who see things this way. I would love to talk with these people and reason with them so they can be helped. But here is the catch; 1. They have to see and acknowledge that there is a problem with them, and 2. They have to be desperate for help and willing to work within the framework of the church.

To those who are struggling with this; please understand that we want to help you. That is important to us. However, we can't help you unless you want to be helped. You cannot be helped unless you have some understanding about boundaries, and that we have limits and boundaries placed around us that you are not permitted to go past. This is important to know, or you will never be able to be helped. The next thing you need to understand is, that we are not God. We do not have an unlimited amount of resources to help with. If we can help with finances, we will help where we can, and if we can. Same way with time. We might have a limited amount of time to work with you, and we will make you a priority where we can. But we do not have unlimited amounts of time to spend with you.

You are not God, nor are we. We cannot fix your problems. We can only serve and help, and when possible, have words of wisdom that might help.

Our goal is to see you healed and whole. We know that only God can heal a soul. We are His agents and will bring words of truth and grace that will bring healing. When those words bring pain or have a requirement out of you, you need to decide if you want to continue with the healing process. No one will force you to do anything, and we will stop if you do not want to continue. But please stop judging those who cannot do anything more to help. At some point, you will have to take responsibility for yourself, and we will be there, if you want, to help you through that process.

"Silver and gold have I none. But such as I have give I thee.
In the name of Jesus Christ, rise up and walk."

For those interested, I am recommending this book, written by a doctor who is helping those affected by the work of the CIA on children during the 50s and 60s.




Here is a link on Doctor Mengele. Read the article for more information on him.
http://www.mengele.dk/

Where Are The Boundaries? How To Detect Abuse

Not sure which blog to put this on, but I will start here.

Today, we hear a lot about the word, 'abuse'. What is abuse? Who is doing this abusing? Could there be other things involved? What really are the 'rights' that each of us has?

Let me recommend, that if you are a woman living with a man who is abusing you, you need to get out. But we need to define what abuse is and what it is not.

Parents set rules for their children. For example, expecting them to come home no later than 10 p.m. on a weekday night. That is not abuse. Children may think it is abuse, but it is just setting a boundary for their safety.

   But what if a father insists on having a sexual relationship with his daughter? That would be abuse. Why? The daughter's body does not belong to her father. The daughter is only intended to have a sexual relationship with a man that she is married to. Her boundaries would be violated by a father who uses her sexually.

  Boundaries are given to us by God. Everyone has them. Where we get confused is where we don't know where those boundaries are. We don't know where our parent's boundaries are, nor do we know where our friend's boundaries are, at times.

 Some parents take away their children's boundaries. The children do not understand where their boundaries are, so when they become adults, this is very confusing to them. Could this be one reason why there is so much abuse going on these days?

 Another confusing issue is this concept of a 'woman's right to her own body'. Where did that come from? If that concept were true, then if the baby she is carrying is a female, then her 'rights to her own body' would be being violated if she is aborted! Think about that one!

   Society is trying to redefine what our 'rights' are and is coming up with some silly ideas. There are those who are now saying that children should not be identified as boys or girls until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to be. How old would a child have to be in order to decide this?

   There are boundaries that are already set for us that we need to stay inside of. Stealing is an act of violated God's Commandment. We, left to our own thinking, do not see the harm in stealing from someone else if it benefits us. But if someone steals from us, that is a different story! The rules apply to each one of us. They keep us safe, and they keep others safe too.

  How do you know if you are being abused? It's not when your so called 'rights' are being violated. But rather, it is when someone else violates your boundaries.

  For all women; please do not let a man talk you into using your body for his sexual enjoyment. Even if this man is a good friend of yours, you need to keep your body pure. If the man really loves you, he will respect you. If you are in a good relationship with him, he may want to marry you. But if you give into him outside of a marriage relationship, you are cheating yourself and destroying your dignity as a human being. You are also allowing him to take advantage of you. He is crossing your boundary.

  Many times, women get pregnant outside of a marriage relationship. Either the woman or the man who got the woman pregnant may think that the answer to this dilemma is to get an abortion. A man who pressures his girlfriend into getting an abortion is abusing her. He will also be guilty of murder when he stands before God. A woman who wants to hang onto this man is asking for trouble. She is putting herself into an abusive situation with this man. If this man is not responsible enough to take care of her and the baby he is now going to father, then the woman needs to get out of this relationship immediately.

  Abusive situations will continue as long as we stay in them and allow them to continue. Instead of defending our 'rights', we need to protect our God-given boundaries. We are responsible for saying 'no' to those who want to take advantage of us. There are areas of our lives that do not belong to another person, and we can't allow that person to believe that he or she has the right to violate our boundaries.

Life Isn't Fair. But God Is Merciful!

Life isn't always fair. Sometimes, I think we think of our spiritual life in terms of fairness. That's the way we look at the world. Plus, we have wrong philosophies tied in with life, which make it hard for us to understand the truths in God's word. We end up with a distorted view of who God is.

This unfairness problem is universal. It doesn't seem fair that some people have to suffer greatly, while others seem to be prosperous. People who are opposed to God seem to get away with a lot. People who love God and are serving Him suffer in ways imaginable, many times.

I heard a phrase one time, that put this all into perspective. I had a friend who had severe mental problems. It wasn't that she was born with anything wrong with her. She was born into a family who practiced Satanic Ritual Abuse. Since she was the firstborn daughter, she would take the brunt of anything that her parents would send her way. She had a sexual relationship with her dad since she was small. Her dad would take her out for men to rape and abuse her, as part of the sexual abuse practice that they carried out in that home. They would put her in a cage and treat her like an animal. They gave her electrical shocks to try to train her. The list went on and on. The sad news is, that this type of thing is going on in many places in our country. The bizarre thing about this, is that parents who practice Satanic Ritual Abuse on their children rarely get caught. These people act perfectly normal during the day. It is at night when only the family is in the house when these terrible activities take place. No one suspects the parents of anything. The result is a child who grows up with multiple personalities who will do the same thing to his or her children*. The cycle continues. Is it any wonder that people who go through this as children end up in the mental institutions?

The phrase that was used was 'She was thrown a curve ball'. How many of us have been thrown a curve ball?

I am trying to communicate something way more delicate and serious. I pray no one gets offended or discouraged by what I am writing today. There is another factor that is not good that is also involved in all this. It has to do with the spiritual realm.

Whenever we suffer or have anything bad or traumatic happen to us, that leaves us vulnerable. It leaves us spiritually vulnerable as well. It's like taking a scab off the top of a cut. The cut is not healed, and when the scab comes off it will take longer to heal and could possibly end up infected. That is what it is like when any of us suffer. It is bad enough to go through grief, trauma, or any kind of suffering.

All of us experience suffering in our lifetimes, in various degrees. God allows the suffering to happen, and is in control. The Bible assures us that God is with us in our suffering if we know Him and if we love Him (see Romans 8:28). If we don't know Him, then we are not under His umbrella of protection. He may be allowing the person who does not know Him to go through the suffering to bring that person to Himself.

Sometimes, when we pray about our situation, God changes it. But many times, when we are suffering, we pray about it and God gives us His grace to go through it. When we commit the circumstances to Him, He will do whatever He pleases whether it be to take the suffering away, alleviate the suffering, or give the person the strength to go through the trial. Whatever will happen, we need to commit it to the Lord and ask for His help and strength.

But in the spiritual realm, things also are happening that we need to be aware of. Because we become vulnerable when we experience pain and suffering, we need to realize that Satan will be right there to tempt us to believe his lies. He will be there to make God look distorted to us. We need to have a good understanding of who God is, from His word. That will protect us from falling.

It's like a double whammy. It doesn't seem fair. But, God's ways do not always make sense to our minds. If you are grieving right now, keep in mind that you are vulnerable to the Enemy's attacks. He will attack with vengeance. But, if you stay guarded in prayer, and if you continually feed upon God's word, you will receive God's help through your difficult time. We don't see the end product like God does. We usually only see what is there, in front of our eyes, today. We don't see 10 or 20 years down the road. We have to admit our weaknesses to God. We have to want help. If we try to make sense of our suffering, and our understanding is outside of God, we are going to fall. The Enemy wants us to trip and become discouraged. He wants us to doubt God. He will pounce on us when we are grieving. He will bombard us when we lose our job or our friends.

It doesn't seem fair, but, God is the winner, and if we love Him, we are on the winning side. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. He is working all things for our good. The danger is, we are vulnerable, and we have an enemy who would take advantage of our weak condition. We could listen to him and what he says will sound plausible to us. We need the mind of Christ and the wisdom of God to refute anything the Enemy tells us or does to us, especially when we are vulnerable, and if life has thrown us a curve ball.

* For more information on mind control programming and Satanic Ritual Abuse, here are some recommended books:



These recommended books are affiliate links. Thank you for your support. I would recommend reading the reviews on these books and doing research on the Internet based on the information acquired from these books and/or articles on the Internet or other recommended reading. 

Corrective Parenting - Loving Discipline or Shaming and Distancing Ourselves?

"How many people do you know who started following Jesus because someone scolded them, disapproved of them personally, or made it clear how appalling their “lifestyle” is? I have been a Christian for more than twenty-five years and a minister for seventeen. I have never met one." Scott Sauls

When I heard that quote today, I thought of how true it is, especially in the area of evangelism. If you are minding your own business and someone comes up to you and talks to you about eternity, then berates you for being an unbeliever, who could blame you for not wanting to listen to this guy?

Sadly, that is what happens though, not only in evangelism, but also in parenting. How many times have well meaning parents scolded their child when he or she did wrong? How many parents have distanced themselves from their child when the child has done something to break the rules? I have been guilty of doing this myself. 

What is it about us that we think we have to make our children feel bad about their sins? Could we be trying to do the work that only God can do, in their hearts? Could we even be listening to the lies of the devil in trying to shame our children when they need loving correction?

Don't get me wrong. I do believe many loving, diligent parents are doing these things without intending harm. They mistakenly believe that we have to humiliate them and make them feel the pain of our rejection, in order for them to change. That is not good parenting though. The discipline is (or should be) hard enough on the child. Even just taking away privileges can be effective (cause and effect) sometimes. When we try to make our children feel shamed or guilty, or if we distance ourselves from them, we are not serving them, but we are in danger of creating a way of thinking for our children to comply on the outside, while still being corrupt on the inside. The heart is not dealt with, and the child has other issues now to deal with besides dealing with the consequences of his or her wrongdoing. In other words, this kind of parenting could lead to legalism. And no one wants to produce a little Pharisee. 

A Double Whammy For Those Who Are Sinned Against

We imprison ourselves because of what others have done to us when they sin against us. But, this also is a choice that we make. Let me explain.

Someone sins against us in a serious way. We have a hard time telling others what has been done when the person sinned against us. Sometimes, we do tell others, and their response to us is, 'you have to forgive the person'. While it is true that the sinned against person has to forgive, that is not the place to start if you want to help someone struggling with being sinned against.

Being sinned against can be minor offenses or major violations. We have to recognize first of all, that it is ok to acknowledge the offense and agree that it was wrong. We try to get the cart before the horse, so many times, and cause more damage to the person asking for help. We want people to be set free from the sin that they are growing, not the opposite.

A person who has been sinned against needs to be vindicated, to begin with. This is critical, because the person who has been sinned against might be thinking he or she is to blame for the sin committed against them. Many times, the perpetrator will project that onto the person as well. The sinned against person needs someone to validate them. This can be done by listening to the person and not reacting by trying to minimize the hurt. Also, it is not a good thing, at this point, to try to give reasons for the violator doing the crime. There may, and probably are, many valid reasons that the perpetrator did those things. But that does not help the sinned against person.

The sinned against person very likely will believe that God is angry with them or punishing them because He allowed the person to sin against them. This is a big lie from the Enemy of our souls that has led many to despair. We have to know the truth that God does allow bad things to happen to us, yet, in the way He works in our lives, He will turn the bad (even the horrible) around for our good, if we know Him. This can sound trite to a person who is really suffering. They need to understand that God is for them, and not opposed to them no matter how difficult or painful the situation. We need to be with them in their pain.

So, it is like a double whammy for the person who is sinned against, because he or she will eventually have to forgive that person who sinned against him or her.

The problem comes when the offense is never dealt with (or dealt with in a wrong way). The person remains hurt and continues to dwell in it. Bitterness grows. The person is not in a healthy place spiritually anymore. She needs help. She needs someone to listen to her, validate her, not give her advice, nor try to destroy or vindicate the offender. If this is walked through delicately, and over time, this person can be set free from the raging anger and bitterness that will imprison him or her.

Most of all, the offended person needs prayer! God can deliver him from bitterness and vengeance. Only God can set him free from bitterness and desire for vengeance for the offending person. Otherwise, he will remain in a prison of bitterness the rest of his life. The sad part is, that he will probably not even recognize that he is in prison, and will remain there until the day comes when he wants to be free from his imprisonment.

"He who the Son sets free is indeed free!"

"As you go with your accuser before the magistrate, make an effort to settle with him on the way, lest he drag you to the judge, and the judge hand you over to the officer, and the officer put you in prison. I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the very last penny.” Luke 12:58 ESV

Good Book Recommendation

We are going through the series in our counseling class at this time. Tedd Tripp does a good job at helping us understand the difference between disciplining our children because of their behavior, or, showing our children what is going on in their hearts.

Many today want their children to behave properly. We have to look at our motives as to why do we want our children to behave properly. Good behavior is good, isn't it? Well, good behavior is a result of a heart that has been changed by the power of God. If we only deal with the behavior aspect of it, we don't reach the heart and the Gospel message will be missed by the child.

Some want their children to behave properly in order to make themselves look good. I remember falling into those traps when I was a young mother. I remember the days when my kids would be disruptive while we are shopping. To me, this was unacceptable behavior and I would react by being angry at them. We are supposed to be representing God. There is no room for bad behavior.

Some of what we fear has to do with peer pressure. Peer pressure isn't something we outgrow, or that just affects teenagers. It is a heart issue that has to be dealt with whatever age we are.

I began to see things a little differently when I was grocery shopping years ago. While paying for my stuff, there was a mom with several kids who were making a big ruckus. They were obviously out of control. People were looking at this family with disdain. Then the mom started to be out of control and was yelling at the kids in the store.

After I thought about this incident, I began to see it in a different light. Children, at times, are going to act up and do things that make us look bad. The problem is, people will look at us with glaring eyes and sneers with comments of how we must be bad parents. That is the American way. But if we look at it deeper, we can understand the fact that children will have bad behavior at times. Their hearts need to be dealt with. They need to see their self-centeredness and pride. If we don't teach those things to our children, they will grow up to be monster-like. And if we don't take time to train them, then we will react with anger toward them when they act up.

Anyway, here is a book that is highly recommended, that will help us understand how we can help our children to look at their own hearts. Yes, we discipline them but not because they make us angry, or embarrass us. We discipline them because we want them to learn 'the fear of the Lord'. That is the only way they will ever learn wisdom.

                                                              

Article On Why French Children Do Not Have ADHD But American Children Do

While this article is not written from a Christian perspective, it contains some valuable insights that we can learn from.

I always had my suspicions when I hear someone saying that their child or some child they know has ADHD and is being treated for it. Is it a heart problem, or does the child really have some kind of difficulty with being able to focus on something?

The article, written by a therapist, discusses the difference between the social life, and family environment that exists in France with the social life and family environment we have in America. Sadly, it seems that America has fallen into the trap of not disciplining their children properly and not providing their children with boundaries, which make the child feel secure. American parents are too preoccupied with their own lives to invest anything in the children, generally speaking.

Here is the url to the article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201203/why-french-kids-dont-have-adhd

Also notice, that in America, there seems to be a pressure to be meshed in with the pharmaceutical companies. They do not have this pressure in France. Although the article does not talk about heart issues, the French are closer in their way of thinking and treating this problem than we in America are. Could this be a result of so many churches and preachers preaching a weak, self-serving Gospel?

Notice how, in America, we take issues like ADHD and diagnose them as a biological problem. Why can't we go deeper into the issues and look at underlying causes for such diseases?

(I am not saying that every single time a child has ADHD, that it is caused by something wrong in the family.)

Excerpts from the article written by Marilyn Wedge, Ph.D

In the United States, at least 9 percent of school-aged children have been diagnosed with ADHD, and are taking pharmaceutical medications. In France, the percentage of kids diagnosed and medicated for ADHD is less than .5 percent. How has the epidemic of ADHD—firmly established in the U.S.—almost completely passed over children in France?

Is ADHD a biological-neurological disorder? Surprisingly, the answer to this question depends on whether you live in France or in the U.S. In the United States, child psychiatrists consider ADHD to be a biological disorder with biological causes. The preferred treatment is also biological—psycho stimulant medications such as Ritalin and Adderall.

French child psychiatrists, on the other hand, view ADHD as a medical condition that has psycho-social and situational causes. Instead of treating children's focusing and behavioral problems with drugs, French doctors prefer to look for the underlying issue that is causing the child distress—not in the child's brain but in the child's social context. They then choose to treat the underlying social context problem with psychotherapy or family counseling. This is a very different way of seeing things from the American tendency to attribute all symptoms to a biological dysfunction such as a chemical imbalance in the child's brain.