Corrective Parenting - Loving Discipline or Shaming and Distancing Ourselves?

"How many people do you know who started following Jesus because someone scolded them, disapproved of them personally, or made it clear how appalling their “lifestyle” is? I have been a Christian for more than twenty-five years and a minister for seventeen. I have never met one." Scott Sauls

When I heard that quote today, I thought of how true it is, especially in the area of evangelism. If you are minding your own business and someone comes up to you and talks to you about eternity, then berates you for being an unbeliever, who could blame you for not wanting to listen to this guy?

Sadly, that is what happens though, not only in evangelism, but also in parenting. How many times have well meaning parents scolded their child when he or she did wrong? How many parents have distanced themselves from their child when the child has done something to break the rules? I have been guilty of doing this myself. 

What is it about us that we think we have to make our children feel bad about their sins? Could we be trying to do the work that only God can do, in their hearts? Could we even be listening to the lies of the devil in trying to shame our children when they need loving correction?

Don't get me wrong. I do believe many loving, diligent parents are doing these things without intending harm. They mistakenly believe that we have to humiliate them and make them feel the pain of our rejection, in order for them to change. That is not good parenting though. The discipline is (or should be) hard enough on the child. Even just taking away privileges can be effective (cause and effect) sometimes. When we try to make our children feel shamed or guilty, or if we distance ourselves from them, we are not serving them, but we are in danger of creating a way of thinking for our children to comply on the outside, while still being corrupt on the inside. The heart is not dealt with, and the child has other issues now to deal with besides dealing with the consequences of his or her wrongdoing. In other words, this kind of parenting could lead to legalism. And no one wants to produce a little Pharisee.