Treat The Weakest With Respect

“You can tell a great deal about a person, people, or faith based on how they treat the frailest of their own.” R.C. Sproul

  There's a tendency for all of us to go after the strongest, the most powerful, and the ones with money. That is what we do, by default. When we hire someone to work for us, we pick the best, most adequate person for the job. If we want a babysitter, we pick the one we trust most, and who has the best qualifications. Those things are fine to do, when looking for someone to hire to do a job, but we carry that kind of thinking into the church as well. 

  Many people really struggle with trying hard to please God. It seems that, even though we understand the Gospel and know of God's grace, we still try to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and bring something to the table to give to God. Why so we think so much like that? If we really understood the issue, we would understand that the only thing we can bring to God is our sin. And He has taken care of that through the Cross. I wonder if we also apply that thinking to others who come to us.

  But maybe you are like me. I have a tendency to think that people who are poor, for example, aren't really aware of what's going on. I sadly, have thought of people who are slow to respond, as if they were kind of like robots. But really, many times, just the opposite is true. The people who are disadvantaged or weak, have very deep feelings and emotions. God forgive us for thinking wrongly about them.

  We have a 'weak' man who has been coming to church. He follows us around like a puppy dog. I am impressed of how many people have taken an interest in this man. A few weeks ago, he wanted to know how to be saved. He dealt with guilt over some of the things he had done. Now he wants to come to a care group. We try to arrange for people to sit with him in church while we are not able to be there. This is a great opportunity for us to 'be' the church. This man will probably never be a pastor. He will probably never be on the streets sharing the Gospel. He will probably never write an article to be put in a magazine or blog. But he has a soul, and he is created in God's image. That is enough reason to serve him. We have no guarantee that he will be with us very long. 

   Sadly, someone did make a derogatory remark about him. It was disappointing to hear that, and I hope we can learn to be compassionate to others who come into our midst who aren't as fortunate as we are. At the same time though, I am very encouraged to find out how many have already ministered to, and are serving this man. 

  One observation I have also, is that when such a person comes into a church, you can tell, right away, the people who are gifted with mercy, or have compassion. Those are usually the people who gather around men or women, such as this newcomer.

   Some of our 'weakest' are our children. I don't know about you, but I know how I have overlooked children many times. Children are so cute, but when we adults are together for the serious work in the church, I practically ignore the children. I want to change in that area. They might be small, but they will remember how they were treated when they were in church, by others. We don't want them to be a statistic of the 90% of those raised in the church who leave the church when they become adults. Can we be more intentional in reaching out to our children?

   "At the same time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the middle of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Unless you are converted, and become as little children, you will not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever shall receive one such little child in my name receives me. But whoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hung around his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Matthew 18:1-6

   Finally, there was a guy who had a hard life, and ended up being a tattoo maker. He saw a lot of flakiness in the church, but he does remember the lady who taught Sunday School, I think, who gave him a birthday party when he was four. He did remember that and I can tell that it ministered to his soul, even though everything else he saw in Christianity was unreal. That Sunday School teacher was wise. She regarded a little boy who was hurting and ministered to him. She was acknowledging that this little boy was created in God's image and would need to have a Savior to redeem him from his sins. This was on the Truth Project videos, with Del Tackett, if anyone is interested in watching them. They are excellent videos.

Happiness Comes Best Through Serving Others

Here is a quote from Ed Welch, and it is so true: "The best way to live--the way you will be most happy--is to make life more about God and other people than it is about you."

--Ed Welch

  Years ago, when I was much younger, I went through different phases of depression. My husband didn't know what to do with me. I even went to counselors to try to get help, but the best recommendation that we got from someone was that I needed to be serving other people. 

   After years of thinking about that, it made sense. There is just something that is therapeutic about serving others. It does bring joy to one's life when you are serving other people. The alternative is to serve yourself. 

  Serving oneself is kind of like the Dead Sea. In the Dead Sea, water just keeps on coming in, but nothing comes out of it. It just keeps on taking. That is why it is the 'Dead' Sea. There is no life in it because there is no give and take. It doesn't give out the water it receives. It just keeps taking it in. 

   That is like us in our selfish state. We just keep taking things in, but we never give away. God's blessings are abundant, but we keep them to ourselves. 

   We get the most joy and satisfaction when our lives are not about us. Maybe that's the way God intended it to be all along. Maybe because of the fall and our darkened understanding of things, we haven't discovered the joy and freedom that comes from serving others and living our lives out for something other than ourselves.

Taking On The Perpetrator's Guilt

   There are four main categories while dealing with those who are being counseled. They are, 1. suffering, 2. guilt, 3. anger, and 4. fear. Suffering is obviously the most prevalent of all, and Scripture talks to suffering people.
  The problem of guilt is very strong though. People feel guilty for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the guilt is there as a response to an evil act that someone did. I even remember my dog having a 'guilty' look when he knew he was caught doing something wrong! Some guilt though, is not necessarily guilt from doing something wrong. The devil is clever at reminding us of our failures and he piles on the guilt, sometimes even when we didn't do anything wrong.
  I remember talking with a man one time, about the Gospel. He was convinced that his sins were too heavy or too great for God to forgive him of. He truly did feel guilty, because he was instructed to kill people in Afghanistan, which he did. He killed civilians as well, and now he was having a hard time dealing with his conscience. He had a hard time understanding, or believing that God would forgive him, even if he truly repented. That is what God is in the business of doing though, and He does it best.
  Today I am struck by another angle of this guilt. Many people don't know this, but in the case of a woman or even a little girl who has been raped, something usually always happens that is uniform in just about every case. The person, almost always a male, will tell the girl, after raping her, that if she tells anyone about it, he will do bad something to her. I have hears stories of men taking animals and killing them, then telling the raped woman that he will do that to her if she tells on him. So the little girl or whatever aged woman who just got raped, can't tell anyone about it, or the rapist will make sure she is punished. If that isn't bad enough, the rapist makes sure she knows something else; the rape was her fault. Not only does he threaten to punish her if she tells, but he even informs her that her being raped is her fault! What a trap of Satan that has boggled the minds of women through the centuries.
   I am thinking of those poor young women who were held hostage for a decade in a house in Cleveland, Ohio. These women were the unfortunate victims of a very sin sick man, who abused them in horrendous ways, ways, I'm sure we could never imagine. Ever since learning about how perpetrators treat their victims, you can be sure that this monster of a man has laid the guilt for his crime on these women. The three women who, by God's grace and mercy, were able to escape, are going to need a help that only God can give. They were treated like dirt for ten years. They were basically fed lies by this man, and thankfully they are now out of his dominion. We need to understand that when women come out of something like that, they are going to feel guilty, even though it wasn't their fault. This is where the church comes in. Whenever we counsel women who have experienced sexual abuse, we have to make sure that they do not take the guilt of the perpetrator. That is not their burden to bear. God never intended for women to be sexually abused, let alone taking on the guilt of the abuser.
   I remember trying to help a woman who was abused by men. The last one she was abused by was her ex-husband. He ended up hating her and putting the blame on her. That is what perpetrators do. We had to get her to say out loud, 'I am not responsible for Arthur's sin'. She wasn't responsible for his sin. He chose to be abusive. He will have to bear his own sin, and unless he repents and turns to God, he will pay for his sin in hell.
  I have been reading in the Bible about Jesus evaluating the Scribes and Pharisees. I was surprised to see how hard He came down on the Scribes. They were people who were taking advantage of the weak. Then they would make a pretense to be religious and gain the respect of the community, while ripping people off that couldn't defend themselves. Jesus indicated that their punishment was going to be worse than Sodom and Gomorrah!
  I do understand that at some point, the victim has to forgive the violator. But I think it is so important for the victim to first understand that she is not the cause of the perpetrator's actions against her. This is so important. She will struggle over and over again, and it will be hard for her to understand forgiving her perpetrator until she gets through this part of the difficulty.
  If you are a victim of sexual abuse, and have been violated, please take this to heart. It is not your fault that you got raped. If you have to tell yourself this 1,000+ times, please do it. Do not take the guilt of the perpetrator. If you do, you are not making him responsible for his sin. He will not learn the 'fear of God' if you carry his burden of guilt and believe his lies against you. Give this burden to God. Do not try to work this out in your own strength.
  If you are a perpetrator, and you want help to change, God is bigger than your wicked heart. You will need to repent and make restoration to those you have harmed. Sexual violation is a very serious crime. It is not the victim's fault that you raped her. You are totally responsible for your actions. Not only have you violated someone, but you are trying to make them bear your guilt. This is unacceptable. But know this; even though your sin is very, very serious, if you repent, and turn to Jesus Christ in faith, God can forgive your sin, as bad as it is. If you continue though in your activities of sexual abuse, then you are not really sorry for what you have done. Know that this sin is most serious. It is similar to that of the Scribes that Jesus encountered, of whom Jesus said that their punishment would be worse than those who lived in  Sodom and Gomorrah. The choice is yours.
  For more information on the Gospel, please go to: The Gospel Conversation or Take the Good Person Test. If you have any questions, please send an email to: RUgood@mail.com

Human Beings Are A Complicated Mixture

   How many times have we seen people who have good qualities end up in trouble with something? Take the man who pastors a church and believes in God's holiness. He holds to a high standard of human being living as acceptable to God. Yet, this man ends up in prison on child molestation charges. Or look at the man who sincerely loves God and teaches the Bible accurately. He seems to have a passion for making God's name known in truth. Yet he ends up leaving the ministry, a very bitter man because of disagreements with others leading the ministry. He ends up in a ball of bitterness which becomes the foundation of all that he does from now on. Then there's the mom out there that wanted children but couldn't have them. She finally gets pregnant, and gives birth to a beautiful child which she ends up killing a couple of years later because she couldn't control her anger. Things like this happen every day and we always ask, 'Why?'
   Why did the man who served under Hitler, have a family he loved and took care of? These questions can really throw us off. We are black and white people. Either something is completely one way or completely another way. But the composition of human beings is different. It is not that way with human beings and there is a good reason for that.
  We hear from family members concerning a child or brother who has been found guilty of a brutal murder, and what do they usually say? It is something like this, "My brother would never do something like that." We might hear, "He wouldn't hurt a fly." We seem to be taken by surprise. Yet, there is an answer to this mystery.
   When God first created human beings, He made them in His image. That means there will be certain characteristics that will mirror what God is like. One of them is creativity. Another would be having dominion. In the case of human beings, man was to have dominion over animals and other parts of God's creation. All human beings have a natural love. But even this love can be suppressed. We can make decisions. We can build things. We can do a lot of other things because of being created in God's image. But something really drastic happened to make all this unclear to us today. After God created man in His image, He gave man everything that grew from the Garden for food. But there was one tree in particular, out of all the trees that God created, that God did not give permission for man to eat from. If man were to eat from it, he would die. This was spiritual death, but it also brought about physical death. Man disobeyed, and God pronounced a curse on mankind, as well as on the earth and on the devil. Not too long after this, man found himself involved in wars, murders, and all kinds of difficulties were on the horizon for mankind. Now the dilemma begins. People who were created in God's image, now have sinful hearts. No wonder Paul expresses grief at this struggle in Romans 7. We are now born in sin, yet we still are in the image of God. How interesting. How mysterious. This is why we have a hard time understand people. This is why we have a hard time understanding the Gospel. It would seem to us that if we are created in God's image, then basically we are good people. But if we really took a good look at our hearts, and if we could remember every evil thought or intention we had during the week, we might have a different understanding of ourselves. Can people who are created in God's image really be sinful? Yes! That is what happened to us. God created us perfect and in His image. Adam sinned by disobeying God and plunged the whole human race into sin. The image of God in human beings, although blurred, is still there.
   But understand that by being created in God's image does not mean we automatically go to heaven when we die. God must punish sin, all sin, every sin we commit has to be punished, even though we are created in God's image. That doesn't cancel our sinful hearts. God punished our sins when He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth 2,000 years ago. He died in our place. He carried our sins on Himself and took the punishment for us. But that doesn't automatically get us off the hook. We have to turn from our sins and repent, and trust in Jesus as our Savior. Then He becomes our Lord as we live out our lives for His glory. See also http://thegospelconversation.blogspot.com for more information on that.
  So we are a complicated mixture. But God has a plan. When we are born again, we receive a new heart. We still have the capacity to sin, but our new heart can't sin and hates sin. We experience the turmoil that Paul did as he expressed in Romans 7. He asks a question; "Who will deliver me from this body of death?". He answers the question right after that one; "But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!".
  So the next time you are dealing with a loved one or friend, and you can't figure them out, remember that they are complicated. He or she is created in God's image, yet he or she has a sinful nature, which blurs the image of God and affects his or her whole being. God wants us to love one another, and be patient with one another. He wants us to speak the truth in love. Don't think that you friend is hopeless. God is at work and promises that once He begins a work, He will complete it. That is what we aim for. We watch God begin good works in the lives of people. Then we patiently, lovingly walk with them as they grow in discipleship.

The Four Horsemen - Is Your Marriage In Trouble?

   One of the books we were assigned to read in the marriage counseling class was "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, PH. D., and in the beginning of the book he makes some interesting statements. One of them has to do with his 'love lab' in which he takes a married couple and analyzes their interactions with each other while they are in this room in which he can look into in order to observe them. He says that he can tell if a marriage will end up in divorce within five minutes of observing the couple. He has a record of being 95% accurate.
   One of the things he looks for, he calls, 'the four horsemen'. The four horsemen are 1). Criticism, 2). Contempt, 3). Defensiveness, and 4). Stonewalling (indifference).
   Although Gottman does not profess to be a Christian, he has some insight into the dignity of human beings. The four horsemen are definitely signs of problems in a marriage. We know the solution for our wickedness and the way we treat others comes through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. This can only happen because of the death of Christ on the Cross for our sins. God gives us the ability and the desire to repent of our sins, whereas in the world, the best a person can do is to try to change and do better. Sometimes this works for a while, but is usually short lived. Only by the power of the Holy Spirit, Who indwells those who are redeemed from their sins, can we ever hope to be changed.
   It is important for us to honestly evaluate our lives and look at our own hearts. It is easy for us to see the sin in our spouse's life, but our own sin is usually invisible to us. In many marriages, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are common activities carried out in the relationships. But they are danger signs, as well.
   If you observe these tendencies in your own marriage, your marriage could be in trouble. There is a cure, but we must desire the cure and not only the relief for the symptoms. The cure is found in the Cross of Jesus Christ. The Bible explains that when a person comes to Christ in repentance (turning away from sin) and faith (trust in Jesus Christ as Savior), that person becomes a new creature in Christ. It explains further that old things are passed away and all is become new. A believer in Jesus Christ has a new heart. The new heart has good desires. The problem that remains though, is that even with a new heart, there is still the old heart that continually wants to be selfish. That is why the Bible says to 'Put off the old' and 'Put on the new'.
  When a person is a new creature in Christ, he or she will be able to bear the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. If both people in a marriage are bearing the fruit of the Spirit, they can grow together in love, and the 'four horsemen' will eventually ride away as the couple turns to God for help.
   Is your marriage in trouble? There is hope. Our hope is in God, and our help comes from God. Otherwise, our marriages will fall apart, and our relationships with people will be askew.
   For more information concerning having a relationship with God, go to The Gospel Conversation  or  Good Person Test Page

Why Does Death Bring Us So Much Pain?

   While we were driving in the car on the way to a memorial for a friend's daughter who was killed, my husband was asking why it has to hurt so much when you lose someone you love. That is a good question. Why couldn't God have made us a little more independent of each other so when one dies, it doesn't hurt so bad.
   I didn't really have any answers to that question, but after taking a Biblical counseling course on marriage counseling, I think I might have some insight. Although I have heard this before, I had never made the connections to God being relational in His existence. We were learning how human beings are created in God's image, and I never really understood any connections of that fact to anything else in life until now.
  God exists in relationship. Man is created in God's image, and exists in relationships. God is, and always has been in relationship with Himself, by way of the Trinity. Man, of course, is not like God in that way, but God did create man to be in relationships with others. We could even say that man is gregarious. No man is an island. When God first created man (Adam), he brought the animals to Adam, and Adam named them, but God in His wisdom knew that the animals would not provide the type of relationship that was suitable for Adam, so, God created Eve. Eve was exactly was Adam needed for a relationship.
 So, when we are in relationship with one another, we are affected by one another, whether it be a marriage relationship, family relationship, or relationships in the body of Christ. We were made for relationships. This is one aspect of how man reflects the image of God.
  The Bible gives an illustration of the body being made up of many members (body parts). It says that when one part of the body hurts, all the parts of the body hurt. If one part of the body rejoices, all the parts rejoice.
  When we lose someone we love, it hurts. It is very painful for us. That is because we were made for relationships. God has enjoyed relationship with Himself from eternity past and will continue to enjoy His relationship with Himself throughout eternity. God will never experience having one part of the Trinity die, but in a sense He did experience the pain of grieving when He sent His own Son to die for our sins. That pain was excruciating to God the Father as He placed all our sins on His Son, so that we could be free from having to pay the penalty for our own sins. God was grieved at the sins of mankind in Genesis chapter 6. People were so wicked they were inventing new ways of wickedness. God provided a huge boat that would carry those who would repent of their wickedness and sin, but only 8 people responded. God was very sad about the sin of mankind that He destroyed the rest of mankind in the Flood. God was very sad to have to destroy mankind, but God was sad when He gave His Son to die for our sins. Yet, He did it gladly, because now many, many people will come to know Him and have a relationship with Him through the Cross of His Son.
  God grieves, and people grieve. Yet God is with us as we grieve, if we know Him. He carries us through the time of our serious pain, and brings us to the other side.
  God exists in relationship. We are created in His image. We were made to live in relationship with one another. We are not islands or robots. We were made for fellowship and relationship with God and one another.

Mutual Love and Respect in Marriage

   I am taking a class on marriage counseling right now, and in some ways, there are many similarities between marriage counseling and counseling one on one. But there are differences also. Every issue we have to deal with goes back to the heart. Because our hearts are wicked, we are self-centerered and many times, egotistical, and if we are not careful, we could find Bible verses to support our erroneous thinking.
   One misunderstanding we tend to have, is that of thinking that, because God appoints men to be the heads of their wives, that means that women are second class citizens. If we are not careful, we could end up believing that.
   I have heard people talk, and there are some who reject the Gospel because they think that it gives the right for a man to be the 'bully' of his household. Why would anyone think that, we wonder? Well, for one thing, we tend to take Bible verses out of the contextual meaning, and try to make it fit what we want it to say, or, what our understanding of the subject is, even if we are mistaken.
  For example, people really believe that since women are supposed to be submissive to their wives, that means, by default, that men have more power from God and are to control their wives. I have seen this mistake also made by people who are confused by the doctrine of the Trinity. We know that God is completely unified and that in a way we cannot fathom, He works with Himself to bring glory to Himself. That is way over our heads, but we don't struggle with that. What we struggle with though, is the fact that Jesus was submissive to His Father. Somehow, in our limited thinking, we understand that to mean that Jesus is less than the Father. We battle for years trying to figure out how such statements can make sense. But much of our misunderstanding has to do with the fact that we don't understand the word 'submission'. When we hear such a word, we think automatically of slavery. In slavery, there is an unwritten belief that the slave is less than the master. The way slavery came to be, probably validates this thinking. I don't believe God condones slavery, in the way it was done in early America, and in the slave trade. But I think our understanding of submission comes from the concept of slavery. So when the Bible says that wives are to submit to their own husbands, we automatically get a picture of a slave and his or her master. A slave doesn't have rights of his own. When a family made a decision, it usually didn't consult the slave for an opinion.
   I believe our concept of a man and woman relationship which involves women submitting to their own husbands, comes from this idea of slavery. You would be surprised at how large of a problem this is in the body of Christ today. What the average Christian man is missing is the rest of the context of the verses that surround the verses on wives submitting to their husbands. If they realized and understood what was being said, they would see a whole different picture.
   When God first created man and woman, the woman was created to be a help-mate to man. This implies that man alone needs help, outside of himself. So if a man treats his wife like a slave, how can she be an effective help-mate to him? The Bible says that the man is to love his wife, not just a little, but in the same way Christ loved the church. We pass over verses like this because we think we already love. I can't begin to tell you how many people I talk to, when asked the question about loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, who respond by saying that they already do that. It is because we think of love as something we enjoy, rather than an object for which we must sacrifice our desires for. God created marriages for the husbands and wives to work together, like on a team. The husband certainly leads the way and makes the final decisions, but not without his wife's input.
   The Bible also tells men to treat their wives with respect as the weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." ESV. It says that the wives are the heirs with them of the grace of life. Husbands have a serious responsibility to their wives.
   If you are a man considering marriage, take these things into consideration. Being married is a big responsibility. We can only develop a really good marriage if we have a good relationship with God, Himself. The power for sanctification comes from God, and in a marriage, both husband and wife will need to die to themselves and serve each other. If you go into a marriage thinking this is your opportunity to 'own' another person, or to control someone, you are greatly mistaken and are setting yourself up for major disappointment! 
  If you do not know the grace of God in your life and would like to learn more about the struggle between man and God, please go to http://thegospelconversation.blogspot.com