I am taking a class on marriage counseling right now, and in some ways, there are many similarities between marriage counseling and counseling one on one. But there are differences also. Every issue we have to deal with goes back to the heart. Because our hearts are wicked, we are self-centerered and many times, egotistical, and if we are not careful, we could find Bible verses to support our erroneous thinking.
One misunderstanding we tend to have, is that of thinking that, because God appoints men to be the heads of their wives, that means that women are second class citizens. If we are not careful, we could end up believing that.
I have heard people talk, and there are some who reject the Gospel because they think that it gives the right for a man to be the 'bully' of his household. Why would anyone think that, we wonder? Well, for one thing, we tend to take Bible verses out of the contextual meaning, and try to make it fit what we want it to say, or, what our understanding of the subject is, even if we are mistaken.
For example, people really believe that since women are supposed to be submissive to their wives, that means, by default, that men have more power from God and are to control their wives. I have seen this mistake also made by people who are confused by the doctrine of the Trinity. We know that God is completely unified and that in a way we cannot fathom, He works with Himself to bring glory to Himself. That is way over our heads, but we don't struggle with that. What we struggle with though, is the fact that Jesus was submissive to His Father. Somehow, in our limited thinking, we understand that to mean that Jesus is less than the Father. We battle for years trying to figure out how such statements can make sense. But much of our misunderstanding has to do with the fact that we don't understand the word 'submission'. When we hear such a word, we think automatically of slavery. In slavery, there is an unwritten belief that the slave is less than the master. The way slavery came to be, probably validates this thinking. I don't believe God condones slavery, in the way it was done in early America, and in the slave trade. But I think our understanding of submission comes from the concept of slavery. So when the Bible says that wives are to submit to their own husbands, we automatically get a picture of a slave and his or her master. A slave doesn't have rights of his own. When a family made a decision, it usually didn't consult the slave for an opinion.
I believe our concept of a man and woman relationship which involves women submitting to their own husbands, comes from this idea of slavery. You would be surprised at how large of a problem this is in the body of Christ today. What the average Christian man is missing is the rest of the context of the verses that surround the verses on wives submitting to their husbands. If they realized and understood what was being said, they would see a whole different picture.
When God first created man and woman, the woman was created to be a help-mate to man. This implies that man alone needs help, outside of himself. So if a man treats his wife like a slave, how can she be an effective help-mate to him? The Bible says that the man is to love his wife, not just a little, but in the same way Christ loved the church. We pass over verses like this because we think we already love. I can't begin to tell you how many people I talk to, when asked the question about loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, who respond by saying that they already do that. It is because we think of love as something we enjoy, rather than an object for which we must sacrifice our desires for. God created marriages for the husbands and wives to work together, like on a team. The husband certainly leads the way and makes the final decisions, but not without his wife's input.
The Bible also tells men to treat their wives with respect as the weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." ESV. It says that the wives are the heirs with them of the grace of life. Husbands have a serious responsibility to their wives.
If you are a man considering marriage, take these things into consideration. Being married is a big responsibility. We can only develop a really good marriage if we have a good relationship with God, Himself. The power for sanctification comes from God, and in a marriage, both husband and wife will need to die to themselves and serve each other. If you go into a marriage thinking this is your opportunity to 'own' another person, or to control someone, you are greatly mistaken and are setting yourself up for major disappointment!
If you do not know the grace of God in your life and would like to learn more about the struggle between man and God, please go to http://thegospelconversation.blogspot.com
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