I was thinking about something I read a long time ago, probably in the newspaper written by some 'expert' about children being affected by divorce. It seemed that this person didn't think that children would be adversely affected by divorce, but I never could agree with this conclusion.
I heard something on the radio yesterday that is more realistic when it comes to the affects of divorce. It was a short little program where a man who was a doctor told of a little girl who came into his office because of bad stomach pains. The doctor drew the little girl out by asking her questions. After asking questions he found out that the little girl and her family were living in a homeless shelter. Why? Because Daddy found another lady to love and didn't want to take care of his family anymore!
So, divorce really doesn't hurt anyone, right? Wrong. When a divorce takes place, children feel guilty. Sometimes, the child of the divorced parents feel that he or she is to blame for the divorce. Of course, that is Satan's lie to try to destroy the child. If Satan can get the parents to divorce, then certainly the child is open for his tactics as well.
I don't think it takes a genius to understand that divorce is harmful to children. You might be asking then, what about me? What about what I want? Why do I have to stay married to the same person if I want someone else?
50 + years ago, people thought twice about things like divorce. If the marriage was hard (and most marriages are), people were mature enough to try to work through their problems. They stuck it out, even though the grass seemed greener in other places. But, the situation of divorce goes much deeper than just sticking it out. When two people get married, they are committing themselves to each other, before a holy God. They are promising that they will stay with each other until one or the other dies.
The big problem today, and the reason why people so easily divorce, is that society has taught us to take the easy way out of our problems, and it seems like divorce is the easier way out than to stick with something like a commitment to someone that we don't want to stay with anymore. Lawyers make a lot of money from divorce cases. Society has also taught us that we 'deserve' better than what we get. Well, if we get what we deserve from God, we would end up in hell! But God is merciful. He gives us good gifts. He also gives us problems to work through, so that we will grow and be changed through them.If we buy into society's lie in avoiding problems, we will become myopic and self-centered, and we will never grow or change. Of course, if a person is outside of Christ, he or she won't see any need to grow or be changed. That person will only be self-centered and self-seeking the rest of his or her life. No one outside the grace of God can die to their selfishness and live for others.
The other reason people get divorced, is because they want to be married or have a relationship with someone they are not married to. In America today, we can get a lot of things. We have money that can buy us things and we think those things will make us happy. Our marriages begin to drift and we start looking around for someone who will pay attention to us. We are intrigued by someone other than our spouse, and then we don't think it is a big deal to leave our spouse and family for that 'other' person. We have little or no motivation to remain faithful to the one we made vows with. Basically, we lost our fear of God and become selfish again and want to do our own thing. Of course, it is easy to get away with it in America because money buys everything and we have a lot of money.
What we need to realize is that God is holy, and we need to fear Him. We need to respect Him for who He is. We need to learn what the Bible says about Him, instead of thinking of Him as a Cosmic Santa Claus or a sweatered grandfather who spoils his grandchildren. He is God and we are going to give account to Him one day. He knows when we are lusting after another person. He knows when we want to get out of our marriages. He wants to help us out of our sin and deception. His ways are higher than our ways.
We need to be praying for our families. Men need to lead spiritually. Women need to respect their husbands. Husbands need their wives as help mates. We all need God's help in our lives and marriages. The power of the Cross will help us to die to our selfishness and live for Him. Only when we have a new heart and the grace of God can we live a life that is truly fulfilling and glorifying to God.
One more thing; if you are a product of a divorce please don't feel condemned by this article. And if you were the cause of a divorce, God can help you to repent and be restored. There is hope and healing for people who were involved in divorce. Please find a place where you can get counseling and help. And lastly, if you are having an affair and have made the decision to divorce your spouse and go on with the affair, please repent! You are on dangerous ground! The ramifications of your decision will be devastating. God can help you break the hold of sin on your life!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
You Don't Need Counseling, You Just Need The Bible
I have often heard, whether openly or more subtly, that Biblical counseling is not really a necessary thing. You only need to use the Bible with people in helping them with their problems.
This kind of thinking is making a couple of false assumptions. It is assuming that Biblical counseling can be done by giving out Bible verses when people have problems, much like giving out a necessary vitamin or supplement when a person has a physical need and is lacking in a particular type of nourishment. It assumes that the counselee can just simply be ministered to by finding the appropriate Bible verses or passages that pertain to his or her problems. But it goes much deeper than that.
The Bible talks about how we are to be doers of the word, and not only hearers, lest we be deceived. I think this is part of what I am trying to get at. Many of us know Bible verses. We know the verses that pertain to worry, fear, needing wisdom, trusting God for our needs, etc. It would be easy to tell a person not to worry because the Bible says that we can cast our cares upon God for He careth for us. Or we can tell the person that he or she can trust God because God takes care of the sparrows and we are more important than sparrows.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with pointing out those verses to people who need to hear them. But what happens when we tell someone not to worry because we should be casting our cares upon God, and a month or two later, the person comes to us falling apart because they tried to do what the Bible said and they still had the problem with worry and the problem led them to a worse state. Plus now, there is condemnation in their minds because they feel like they have failed God. What's a person to do? What's a counselor to do?
Giving out Bible verses like vitamins in counseling doesn't do the job the way it was intended to. First of all, you have to give the whole picture of what is going on. You have to help the person to identify his or her sin (not just the symptom). You have to point them to the power of the Cross. They have to understand why their sin is there, so they can look at their heart and repent. Then they need the power of God, provided by the Cross, to help them over come their sin. Simply speaking, they need to apply the Word of God to their hearts, not just know what it says in their minds.
In some ways, Biblical counseling is like discipleship. Jesus told us to be fishers of men. He also told us to be disciplers of men and women. Biblical counselors need to become skilled in teaching the word of God. The word of God needs to be taught, but even more importantly, it needs to be applied to the heart. That is the heart of Biblical counseling.
I understand that today in modern evangelicalism, many think that we get saved, go to church, preach the Gospel so others can get saved, go to church and bring our converts there, teach the converts how to preach the Gospel so others can be saved and come into the church. What is missing from this? The whole subject of sanctification is. I'm sure that some people think that sanctification and justification are basically the same thing, and since we are saved by faith, then we are justified by faith, and that we are automatically sanctified, so, that is the end of that. Now we just tell others the Gospel and they will get saved, so they can tell others the Gospel, and so on. But sanctification has to happen in our own lives, and if it doesn't we won't be spiritually healthy people, and the church won't be healthy either.
Sanctification is spiritual growth. It is God working in us, changing us by His grace. It is as we feed upon God's word, we grow spiritually. It is not just memorizing Scriptures, but, letting those Scriptures become part of us. We digest them. We live them out by the grace of God. If we just memorize Scripture and never apply it to our lives, we become deceived and spiritually malnourished.
One more angle to look at. The devil knows the word of God better than any human being. I think sometimes we know the Scriptures and try to use them, but unless they are working with the Holy Spirit in the person's life that we are counseling, they will only be like words on paper. They have to be activated in our lives by the Holy Spirit. If they aren't, then we end up in legalism. I have a saying that a friend came up with, and it goes like this; Grace without Truth = Lawlessness. Truth without Grace = Legalism. But Grace plus Truth = Liberty. That is what we want for our counselees; liberty. Not liberty to sin or be selfish, but liberty to be free from the bonds of sin so we can serve God and live out our lives for His glory. And that is why we do Biblical counseling.
This kind of thinking is making a couple of false assumptions. It is assuming that Biblical counseling can be done by giving out Bible verses when people have problems, much like giving out a necessary vitamin or supplement when a person has a physical need and is lacking in a particular type of nourishment. It assumes that the counselee can just simply be ministered to by finding the appropriate Bible verses or passages that pertain to his or her problems. But it goes much deeper than that.
The Bible talks about how we are to be doers of the word, and not only hearers, lest we be deceived. I think this is part of what I am trying to get at. Many of us know Bible verses. We know the verses that pertain to worry, fear, needing wisdom, trusting God for our needs, etc. It would be easy to tell a person not to worry because the Bible says that we can cast our cares upon God for He careth for us. Or we can tell the person that he or she can trust God because God takes care of the sparrows and we are more important than sparrows.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with pointing out those verses to people who need to hear them. But what happens when we tell someone not to worry because we should be casting our cares upon God, and a month or two later, the person comes to us falling apart because they tried to do what the Bible said and they still had the problem with worry and the problem led them to a worse state. Plus now, there is condemnation in their minds because they feel like they have failed God. What's a person to do? What's a counselor to do?
Giving out Bible verses like vitamins in counseling doesn't do the job the way it was intended to. First of all, you have to give the whole picture of what is going on. You have to help the person to identify his or her sin (not just the symptom). You have to point them to the power of the Cross. They have to understand why their sin is there, so they can look at their heart and repent. Then they need the power of God, provided by the Cross, to help them over come their sin. Simply speaking, they need to apply the Word of God to their hearts, not just know what it says in their minds.
In some ways, Biblical counseling is like discipleship. Jesus told us to be fishers of men. He also told us to be disciplers of men and women. Biblical counselors need to become skilled in teaching the word of God. The word of God needs to be taught, but even more importantly, it needs to be applied to the heart. That is the heart of Biblical counseling.
I understand that today in modern evangelicalism, many think that we get saved, go to church, preach the Gospel so others can get saved, go to church and bring our converts there, teach the converts how to preach the Gospel so others can be saved and come into the church. What is missing from this? The whole subject of sanctification is. I'm sure that some people think that sanctification and justification are basically the same thing, and since we are saved by faith, then we are justified by faith, and that we are automatically sanctified, so, that is the end of that. Now we just tell others the Gospel and they will get saved, so they can tell others the Gospel, and so on. But sanctification has to happen in our own lives, and if it doesn't we won't be spiritually healthy people, and the church won't be healthy either.
Sanctification is spiritual growth. It is God working in us, changing us by His grace. It is as we feed upon God's word, we grow spiritually. It is not just memorizing Scriptures, but, letting those Scriptures become part of us. We digest them. We live them out by the grace of God. If we just memorize Scripture and never apply it to our lives, we become deceived and spiritually malnourished.
One more angle to look at. The devil knows the word of God better than any human being. I think sometimes we know the Scriptures and try to use them, but unless they are working with the Holy Spirit in the person's life that we are counseling, they will only be like words on paper. They have to be activated in our lives by the Holy Spirit. If they aren't, then we end up in legalism. I have a saying that a friend came up with, and it goes like this; Grace without Truth = Lawlessness. Truth without Grace = Legalism. But Grace plus Truth = Liberty. That is what we want for our counselees; liberty. Not liberty to sin or be selfish, but liberty to be free from the bonds of sin so we can serve God and live out our lives for His glory. And that is why we do Biblical counseling.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
"You Are Now Free to Go"
“You are free to go now” After the Civil War, the slaves
that were brought to America were pronounced ‘free’ but how many of them knew
about that or acted upon their new status? In much the same way, I think
Christians are set free, but, they are acting like they are still slaves of
sin. Could it be because we are not informed of our freedom yet? Possibly. Or
could it be because of habit? All our lives we were slaves of sin, now God’s
word tells us we are free, but we are still in the mindset of the slave.
There was a
time when I really didn’t get the whole concept of being set free from
anything. I thought Jesus died to take away my sin and now I could be forgiven
for my sins. I didn’t realize that not only did Jesus die for my sins to pay
for them, but the power of the Cross also sets us free from the bondage of sin.
There is a difference between being aware of what sin is, and being in bondage
to sin. It also protects us from the deception of sin. People today cannot only
be forgiven of their sins, but they can also experience freedom from the
bondage of sin. That is where many of us miss the boat, unfortunately. Part of
that is because we don’t have a very full understanding of sin in our lives and
the ramifications of our sins. We can have our eyes opened to see how great God
is and how ugly our lies are. We can repent from lying because we know that it
is wrong. But it is another thing to be set free from living a life where we
feel like we have to lie and be deceptive. We have to identify the idols that
are being supported by our lying. When our hearts are changed, we can be set
free from the bondage of having to live with sin as our companion.
Old
habits are hard to break. Old mindsets are hard to change. You can condition a
dog to behave a certain way. Let’s say that a person was cruel and had a dog.
Let’s say that the cruel person kept the dog in a crate most of the time.
Sometimes he would let the dog out. For a short time, the dog was delighted. It
was out and it was free, so it thought, until the owner beat it. After a while,
the dog would not want to come out anymore. He would know that he was going to
be beaten again if he came back out. I think sin is like that. The Bible says
that we are slaves to sin before our conversion. We enjoy sin for a season, but
then the bad effects of sin come about. When we come to Christ in repentance
and faith, the chains that held us down are broken, but do we realize it? Do we
realize that now the tables are turned? Now we have the power to overcome sin.
Through
sanctification we learn to experience victory over sin and freedom from the
bondages of sin. It doesn’t come overnight though. But it won’t come if we are
not informed by the Word of God. If we are not studying the Bible and learning
what God says to us, we will be uninformed of what is ours through the Cross.
We will live in ignorance of the Power of God. Read the following words of the
song called, ‘Praise the Lord’ by the Imperials:
Now Satan is
a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
If we don’t know what the Bibles says about our victory over
sin and how we access it, we won’t live in victory. By default, we will listen
to Satan and believe his lies about who he says we are (or aren’t).
Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the
Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto
the death.
John 8:34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto
you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Romans 12:1,2 : I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creature. Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are become new.
Titus 2:11,12 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men,Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
God gives us the power to say 'no' to sin, and 'yes' to righteousness. All this can happen because of what Jesus did on the Cross.
If you have any questions about this topic and want to write, please send an email to RUgood@mail.com
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Remove the Baggage!
Here is a simple reason for doing Biblical counseling: In order for some people to be helped, someone has to remove the baggage that was put on them throughout their lives. The average person just needs to hear the Gospel and have a Biblical understanding of who God is, what sin is, what sin has done to them and their relationship to God, what God must do about sin, and what God has done to take care of our sin problem. The average Joe can get this. It can make sense to him.
But there are people out there that have loads of baggage on them, that will prevent them from seeing the Gospel, or being able to grasp the fact that we are sinners in need of a Savior. These people have to have the baggage taken off them before the Gospel will make sense to them. That is what Biblical counseling does. It makes it so a person who has a warped understanding of reality can come face to face with the fact that he or she is a sinful person in need of a Savior. Biblical counseling and Biblical evangelism work hand in hand to help promote the Gospel.
I am thinking of an example in the Bible that describes this scenario. In Mark 5, there is a man who has been possessed by a demon (or many demons). His life, as far as he can tell, is completely gone. He will live the rest of his life in horror if nothing comes about to change his circumstance. He lived in the cemeteries and no one could do anything to help him. He was completely hopeless. And the worst part of his story is that after he died, he would face God in judgment and spend eternity in hell. But God...God came on the scene and delivered the man. The demons were made to leave. The man was now able to get a grasp on the Gospel. Jesus came to the rescue. Now, this man not only was demon free, but now he was a servant of the True and Living God! The baggage came off him and now he can clearly see God!
We can be used of God to 'take the baggage off' people too. We can minister the Gospel to them, and they will have a clear view of God. They will see their need for salvation, and see how horrible their sin is before a holy God.
If a person has been victimized by others, he will see the terrible sin of what someone else did to him or her. It will be hard for a person to see her own sin, because the other person's sin is so much greater in their eyes. Plus, people who are victimized by others, will take the blame for the other person's sin against them. It is the nature of being victimized. That's why those who do the victimizing think they are getting away with it. God sees the sin of the victimizer, and He will deal with it. But we have to help those who have been destroyed by others. We have to help them work through their victimization so they can properly see their own sin before God, and therefore will be able to deal with their sin properly through the Cross.
Here are two web sites that offer information on Biblical counseling:
CCEF
www.ibcd.org
But there are people out there that have loads of baggage on them, that will prevent them from seeing the Gospel, or being able to grasp the fact that we are sinners in need of a Savior. These people have to have the baggage taken off them before the Gospel will make sense to them. That is what Biblical counseling does. It makes it so a person who has a warped understanding of reality can come face to face with the fact that he or she is a sinful person in need of a Savior. Biblical counseling and Biblical evangelism work hand in hand to help promote the Gospel.
I am thinking of an example in the Bible that describes this scenario. In Mark 5, there is a man who has been possessed by a demon (or many demons). His life, as far as he can tell, is completely gone. He will live the rest of his life in horror if nothing comes about to change his circumstance. He lived in the cemeteries and no one could do anything to help him. He was completely hopeless. And the worst part of his story is that after he died, he would face God in judgment and spend eternity in hell. But God...God came on the scene and delivered the man. The demons were made to leave. The man was now able to get a grasp on the Gospel. Jesus came to the rescue. Now, this man not only was demon free, but now he was a servant of the True and Living God! The baggage came off him and now he can clearly see God!
We can be used of God to 'take the baggage off' people too. We can minister the Gospel to them, and they will have a clear view of God. They will see their need for salvation, and see how horrible their sin is before a holy God.
If a person has been victimized by others, he will see the terrible sin of what someone else did to him or her. It will be hard for a person to see her own sin, because the other person's sin is so much greater in their eyes. Plus, people who are victimized by others, will take the blame for the other person's sin against them. It is the nature of being victimized. That's why those who do the victimizing think they are getting away with it. God sees the sin of the victimizer, and He will deal with it. But we have to help those who have been destroyed by others. We have to help them work through their victimization so they can properly see their own sin before God, and therefore will be able to deal with their sin properly through the Cross.
Here are two web sites that offer information on Biblical counseling:
CCEF
www.ibcd.org
Sunday, March 18, 2012
How Would You Counsel A Person Like This?
I am going to post part of a person's testimony of how she was redeemed in a glorious way, set free and delivered from being trapped in a Satanic cult. How would you counsel a person coming into your church with such baggage? What kind of patience would be necessary to work with such a person in order for them to have all ties cut off from the effects of being part of the cult? Remember, most of these people did not choose to be born into a family of Satanic worshipers. They are fed lies from the time they are born. The lies need to be exposed and removed and replaced with the Truth of God's Word.
When I think of counseling a SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) survivor, it reminds me of how Anne Sullivan worked with Helen Keller many years until success was finally achieved. Working with an SRA survivor is not a piece of cake. It takes work and a lot of patience. We have the advantage of calling on God's name for help. We have to constantly point people to the True and Living God, and they will eventually experience the deliverance they are seeking.
Here is the url for the SRA survivor:
http://crosswalklife.com/ls.dissociative-identity-disorder.htm
I think we used to be taught that there is no such thing as the 'healing of memories'. I am not sure what that meant, or what that applied to, but it seemed to have some association with the Therapeutic Movement, which has a philosophy that is based on solving problems by using the person's ego as the foundation for their help, rather than the Scriptures. Perhaps this thinking of the 'healing of memories' has to do with the fact that SRA survivors were just starting to tell their stories, and those who heard their stories thought they were making them up. Well, since there are more and more of these bizarre stories surfacing, there must be something to it. The only other alternative would be that these SRA survivors are plotting something like a conspiracy, which really doesn't make any sense. So their stories of having terrible memories must be true, and we need to listen to them in order to help them get well.
God is bigger than any of their difficulties, and there is nothing too hard for Him. 'With God, all things are possible..' even recovering from SRA, which includes dealing with the humility and shame from rapes, electroshocking, threatenings for telling on the cult and their shameful acts, having to take vows in order to survive the cult, and the list goes on and on. It is unbelievable stuff that takes place in a home where SRA is active. And the most difficult part is, these people keep it so well hidden (the word for occult) that no one on the outside even has a clue they are doing these things. Let's pray for God to expose the works of darkness and let's minister with love and patience to these people who are trying to come out of this.
Here is an excerpt of a person's testimony of coming out of darkness into God's marvelous light:
When I think of counseling a SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) survivor, it reminds me of how Anne Sullivan worked with Helen Keller many years until success was finally achieved. Working with an SRA survivor is not a piece of cake. It takes work and a lot of patience. We have the advantage of calling on God's name for help. We have to constantly point people to the True and Living God, and they will eventually experience the deliverance they are seeking.
Here is the url for the SRA survivor:
http://crosswalklife.com/ls.dissociative-identity-disorder.htm
I think we used to be taught that there is no such thing as the 'healing of memories'. I am not sure what that meant, or what that applied to, but it seemed to have some association with the Therapeutic Movement, which has a philosophy that is based on solving problems by using the person's ego as the foundation for their help, rather than the Scriptures. Perhaps this thinking of the 'healing of memories' has to do with the fact that SRA survivors were just starting to tell their stories, and those who heard their stories thought they were making them up. Well, since there are more and more of these bizarre stories surfacing, there must be something to it. The only other alternative would be that these SRA survivors are plotting something like a conspiracy, which really doesn't make any sense. So their stories of having terrible memories must be true, and we need to listen to them in order to help them get well.
God is bigger than any of their difficulties, and there is nothing too hard for Him. 'With God, all things are possible..' even recovering from SRA, which includes dealing with the humility and shame from rapes, electroshocking, threatenings for telling on the cult and their shameful acts, having to take vows in order to survive the cult, and the list goes on and on. It is unbelievable stuff that takes place in a home where SRA is active. And the most difficult part is, these people keep it so well hidden (the word for occult) that no one on the outside even has a clue they are doing these things. Let's pray for God to expose the works of darkness and let's minister with love and patience to these people who are trying to come out of this.
Here is an excerpt of a person's testimony of coming out of darkness into God's marvelous light:
TESTIMONY:
I've known suffering for 47 years. After surviving 3 abortion attempts by my mother, I was born dead, strangled by the very cord of life. After resuscitation, I was left stone deaf. But my mother's mother hounded heaven for my hearing. When I was 9 months old, my praying grandmother called my mother to check my ears; God told her they were healed. I've had perfect hearing ever since. What a life God saved me from once again! My young parents consequently believed in Jesus and redemption started in my generation.
But -- the lingering curses of sexual abuse, satanic loyalties, rituals and incest came down through the generations on my father's side and assaulted my soul from birth to 18 years old. My paternal grandparents secretly schooled me in satanism since I was one year old. My tiny heart was unable to contain the pain; I began to dissociate over and over, in order to survive. I ran away from home by the age of 4--and got a mile away when I was 6. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt at 14, Jesus reached out to me, offering His gift of unconditional love and salvation. I understood my sin and my need for His forgiveness and salvation--but not His Lordship.
I've known suffering for 47 years. After surviving 3 abortion attempts by my mother, I was born dead, strangled by the very cord of life. After resuscitation, I was left stone deaf. But my mother's mother hounded heaven for my hearing. When I was 9 months old, my praying grandmother called my mother to check my ears; God told her they were healed. I've had perfect hearing ever since. What a life God saved me from once again! My young parents consequently believed in Jesus and redemption started in my generation.
But -- the lingering curses of sexual abuse, satanic loyalties, rituals and incest came down through the generations on my father's side and assaulted my soul from birth to 18 years old. My paternal grandparents secretly schooled me in satanism since I was one year old. My tiny heart was unable to contain the pain; I began to dissociate over and over, in order to survive. I ran away from home by the age of 4--and got a mile away when I was 6. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt at 14, Jesus reached out to me, offering His gift of unconditional love and salvation. I understood my sin and my need for His forgiveness and salvation--but not His Lordship.
Shortly after, when I was confronted with my grandfather's sexual desire, I spoke from the heart of a child: "Jesus lives in my heart now. You can't do this anymore." He never touched me again. (I thought he was such a powerful man -- but it only took that one "no" from a child to keep his hands off of me.) But the sibling incest continued until each of us girls left home.
You can read the rest of this story at the above URL. Please realize that these people are all around us. Hidden but there. They need help. We are God's agents to help them. Let's be faithful to God and follow His calling to love and help these people. If the church doesn't help, they will either go back to the cult or they will commit suicide. That is the only alternatives they know. Let's pray that God help us to be the church.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Dealing With Those Who Have Been Victimized
As I research Biblical counseling, I realize that there are some people with situations that are not so easy to deal with. It is not as easy as telling them that they need to repent and put their trust in the Lord. There are some people who are so broken that you don't know if they will ever be repaired. Here is something that David Powlison said in one of his sessions on Psychiatric Disorders: "We are dealing with things that are so broken and there is
no promise at all that we will make it all better."
There are two different types of people we deal with in counseling. The first group are people who are people who are generally not ensnared in the complexity of sin that would keep them from understanding and responding to the Gospel. The second group is the group of those who have been victimized. Before I go too much further, I already know the stigma that goes with this. We think that people who are 'victims' are those who are presenting a 'victim' mentality. Yes, I think they generally do, but there is a bigger picture we have to look at. That is what I am going to cover on this blog.
I would like to start by saying a few things. All of us are victims, in one sense. We are victims of our sin, and the sins of others. I used to think of myself as a victim. I came from a pretty average home. We went to church, so we really were fairly moral people. Although my parents didn't talk about sin or the Bible, they had many of the principles down, possibly because those principles were put into them. I had a dad who was very quiet and didn't talk much at all to his family members. Throughout my school years, I was quiet and the other kids bullied me around. The only way I responded was to them was by crying. So, as I grew up, I was affected by the way other people treated me. I came to Christ and responded to the Gospel at about the age of 16, and I thought, as a young adult, that there were too many things that were wrong in my childhood, that made it so I couldn't overcome certain things. Without realizing it, I had a 'victim' mentality. But like I said before, we are all victims of some things, but realistically speaking, I was not a victim of anything that was too difficult to work through.
But there are people who have such complex difficulties that really are not their fault. There are people with medical conditions that affect their thinking. There are people who are schizophrenic and hear voices. There are women who were raped many times during their childhood. Do you think it is as easy to say to a rape victim, 'Just forget what was done to you when you were little. Concentrate on the Lord and it will be ok."? Her life and her whole way of thinking has been shaped by those traumatic events in her early life. Our job is to help her learn to renew her mind and learn the truths of who God is and what He is like. There is no five-step plan for doing this. It takes time and patience. It takes a lot of work. There are many things for the rape victim to overcome. If we expect her to just come out of her shell and stop distrusting God, we are losing the battle with her. Yes, the goal ultimately will be for her to be delivered and set free from everything that Satan put into her to hold her down and keep her from understanding and believing the Gospel, but it is how we go about doing that.
Some people have such complex problems, and if you listen to their stories, you will find some very interesting things. For example, did you know that there are adults who were victims of Satanic Ritual Abuse? Do you realize what the ramifications are for a person who has come out of this horror? Some day I will have to post a message just on Satanic Ritual Abuse. It would be an understatement to say that SRA is bad. It is bad in such a way that the person who is coming out of it had strong Satanic holds on him or her that have to be broken, through deliverance, and much Biblical counseling. You will have to walk a such a person through many seasons of healing and deliverance. These people have been victimized and need help. Many, if not most, have no clue of what their families are involved in, or why they need to be set free. Let me be more specific on this issue. Children that are born into families who practice Satanic Ritual Abuse are trained or conditioned to do what the parents or perpetrators want them to do or be. If the parent wants the child to never show emotion, the parent will put electrodes on the child and shock him or her as soon as the child shows emotions. Imagine living a childhood where you were always being shocked when you did something that displeased an authority figure. This process is called 'Conditioning'. We do it with out pets all the time (not in a cruel way). For example, if the dog goes out at 9 pm every night, and gets a cookie every time he comes back in, he is conditioned to know that a cookie will be in his mouth when he comes in from his nightly outing! Some of the conditioning that Satanic Ritual Abusers do involves using rape. Not only are the SRA people into sexual perversion, but they also know that if they continually rape a little girl, they will fracture her mind and create a situation where the child will basically blank out, and during the trauma, she will create personalities with her subconscience mind that will be aware of what goes on during the trauma. The ritual abusers know that if they fracture her mind, they will basically have her as a slave the rest of her life. After they are gone, the little girl, who becomes a woman, will normally gravitate toward a perpetrator. She is told that she will need a perpetrator the rest of her life to survive. Her life now depends upon a perpetrator, of whom she will be his slave. She has been conditioned to believe this lie, and now she won't be able to get free from it unless there are compassionate people who can reach her. It will take much time, perhaps years, before she can 'get it'. Her whole thinking pattern has to be reshaped with the Truth. Unless that successfully happens, she will not ever be free. Her understanding of the Gospel will always be clouded and twisted.
On the other hand, there are people like me, who really aren't victims of someone else's sins against them. It didn't take months and years for me to grasp the Gospel. But there were still things that held me back from growing that had to be dealt with. There are still things I need to be set free from. I understand that there are people who really don't want to be free from their sins too. They might come in for counseling. Maybe they have low self esteem. Perhaps they are out of work. Maybe they are lazy and don't want to work. Maybe they are sick and really don't want to get well, but they are tired of being sick. Some of these people will not be benefitted from Biblical counseling. Their heart doesn't want to leave their sinful pattern. They do not want to pay the price for being well. When counseling with these people, there will always be reasons why they can't repent. They want benefits from God, but they are not willing to be changed by Him. These are the people with the 'victim mentality' that are so hard to deal with. They are not trapped by what someone else did to them necessarily, but they seemed trapped by their sin. The problem is in their heart. They are not really looking for an answer for their problem, nor are they looking for an answer for their sin. They just want an open ear to listen to their complaints. When they finish telling you their sordid life tales, they will go onto another person to tell their stories to.
So the key is to become very discerning. How do I know when I really have a victimized person or a person with a 'victim mentality'? Sometimes, it is hard to tell. You have to take time with the person and probably spend many hours listening to his story. After a while, you will be able to see some motives. You will see some inconsistencies if the person is really telling his story in order to complain. After some time, maybe a very long time, you will be able to know though. It will help you decide if you are really helping someone, or if you are just spinning your wheels. Of course, pray for wisdom and discernment with everyone you encounter in counseling. People can fool us for a while, but God is never fooled.
There are two different types of people we deal with in counseling. The first group are people who are people who are generally not ensnared in the complexity of sin that would keep them from understanding and responding to the Gospel. The second group is the group of those who have been victimized. Before I go too much further, I already know the stigma that goes with this. We think that people who are 'victims' are those who are presenting a 'victim' mentality. Yes, I think they generally do, but there is a bigger picture we have to look at. That is what I am going to cover on this blog.
I would like to start by saying a few things. All of us are victims, in one sense. We are victims of our sin, and the sins of others. I used to think of myself as a victim. I came from a pretty average home. We went to church, so we really were fairly moral people. Although my parents didn't talk about sin or the Bible, they had many of the principles down, possibly because those principles were put into them. I had a dad who was very quiet and didn't talk much at all to his family members. Throughout my school years, I was quiet and the other kids bullied me around. The only way I responded was to them was by crying. So, as I grew up, I was affected by the way other people treated me. I came to Christ and responded to the Gospel at about the age of 16, and I thought, as a young adult, that there were too many things that were wrong in my childhood, that made it so I couldn't overcome certain things. Without realizing it, I had a 'victim' mentality. But like I said before, we are all victims of some things, but realistically speaking, I was not a victim of anything that was too difficult to work through.
But there are people who have such complex difficulties that really are not their fault. There are people with medical conditions that affect their thinking. There are people who are schizophrenic and hear voices. There are women who were raped many times during their childhood. Do you think it is as easy to say to a rape victim, 'Just forget what was done to you when you were little. Concentrate on the Lord and it will be ok."? Her life and her whole way of thinking has been shaped by those traumatic events in her early life. Our job is to help her learn to renew her mind and learn the truths of who God is and what He is like. There is no five-step plan for doing this. It takes time and patience. It takes a lot of work. There are many things for the rape victim to overcome. If we expect her to just come out of her shell and stop distrusting God, we are losing the battle with her. Yes, the goal ultimately will be for her to be delivered and set free from everything that Satan put into her to hold her down and keep her from understanding and believing the Gospel, but it is how we go about doing that.
Some people have such complex problems, and if you listen to their stories, you will find some very interesting things. For example, did you know that there are adults who were victims of Satanic Ritual Abuse? Do you realize what the ramifications are for a person who has come out of this horror? Some day I will have to post a message just on Satanic Ritual Abuse. It would be an understatement to say that SRA is bad. It is bad in such a way that the person who is coming out of it had strong Satanic holds on him or her that have to be broken, through deliverance, and much Biblical counseling. You will have to walk a such a person through many seasons of healing and deliverance. These people have been victimized and need help. Many, if not most, have no clue of what their families are involved in, or why they need to be set free. Let me be more specific on this issue. Children that are born into families who practice Satanic Ritual Abuse are trained or conditioned to do what the parents or perpetrators want them to do or be. If the parent wants the child to never show emotion, the parent will put electrodes on the child and shock him or her as soon as the child shows emotions. Imagine living a childhood where you were always being shocked when you did something that displeased an authority figure. This process is called 'Conditioning'. We do it with out pets all the time (not in a cruel way). For example, if the dog goes out at 9 pm every night, and gets a cookie every time he comes back in, he is conditioned to know that a cookie will be in his mouth when he comes in from his nightly outing! Some of the conditioning that Satanic Ritual Abusers do involves using rape. Not only are the SRA people into sexual perversion, but they also know that if they continually rape a little girl, they will fracture her mind and create a situation where the child will basically blank out, and during the trauma, she will create personalities with her subconscience mind that will be aware of what goes on during the trauma. The ritual abusers know that if they fracture her mind, they will basically have her as a slave the rest of her life. After they are gone, the little girl, who becomes a woman, will normally gravitate toward a perpetrator. She is told that she will need a perpetrator the rest of her life to survive. Her life now depends upon a perpetrator, of whom she will be his slave. She has been conditioned to believe this lie, and now she won't be able to get free from it unless there are compassionate people who can reach her. It will take much time, perhaps years, before she can 'get it'. Her whole thinking pattern has to be reshaped with the Truth. Unless that successfully happens, she will not ever be free. Her understanding of the Gospel will always be clouded and twisted.
On the other hand, there are people like me, who really aren't victims of someone else's sins against them. It didn't take months and years for me to grasp the Gospel. But there were still things that held me back from growing that had to be dealt with. There are still things I need to be set free from. I understand that there are people who really don't want to be free from their sins too. They might come in for counseling. Maybe they have low self esteem. Perhaps they are out of work. Maybe they are lazy and don't want to work. Maybe they are sick and really don't want to get well, but they are tired of being sick. Some of these people will not be benefitted from Biblical counseling. Their heart doesn't want to leave their sinful pattern. They do not want to pay the price for being well. When counseling with these people, there will always be reasons why they can't repent. They want benefits from God, but they are not willing to be changed by Him. These are the people with the 'victim mentality' that are so hard to deal with. They are not trapped by what someone else did to them necessarily, but they seemed trapped by their sin. The problem is in their heart. They are not really looking for an answer for their problem, nor are they looking for an answer for their sin. They just want an open ear to listen to their complaints. When they finish telling you their sordid life tales, they will go onto another person to tell their stories to.
So the key is to become very discerning. How do I know when I really have a victimized person or a person with a 'victim mentality'? Sometimes, it is hard to tell. You have to take time with the person and probably spend many hours listening to his story. After a while, you will be able to see some motives. You will see some inconsistencies if the person is really telling his story in order to complain. After some time, maybe a very long time, you will be able to know though. It will help you decide if you are really helping someone, or if you are just spinning your wheels. Of course, pray for wisdom and discernment with everyone you encounter in counseling. People can fool us for a while, but God is never fooled.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
M.P.D. is Difficult To Work With
I will just start out by saying that M.P.D. can be hard to work with. There are a few reasons for this. Mostly, it is because it is misunderstood. M.P.D. is sometimes thought of as demon possession. Others seem to think it is the product of an overactive imagination. What is it really, and why is it difficult to work with?
One reason it is difficult, is because people who have had severe trauma seem to have a problem with memories coming up that are bad. Part of the problem with M.P.D., is that when the child is being traumatized, he or she basically blanks out. Because the child has to function, the awareness part of his being disappears. Another part of his or her mind goes into action then, to help him or her cope with the bad situation. Then memories are created, but they are hidden deep in the sub conscience mind. They usually stay hidden until this part of the memory wakes up again (which could happen in a dream). Because the traumas were so severe and bizarre, people tended to dismiss them. But now, people all over the country are finding these same memories appearing in people and are puzzled to know how to help them.
For many years, a little girl who was raped was forced to keep it hidden (by the perpetrator) and made to feel guilty for what was done to her. She was not allowed to tell people and when she did try, people would not believe her story. Today, that happens and because we now know it actually does happen, and has been happening all along, we will believe her story. It is the same way now with ritual abuse survivors. They are trying to tell their story, but not many people believe them, yet. But, in time, they will, and these people will be able to get the help they need, if we are diligent to learn how to care for them.
More on this later....
One reason it is difficult, is because people who have had severe trauma seem to have a problem with memories coming up that are bad. Part of the problem with M.P.D., is that when the child is being traumatized, he or she basically blanks out. Because the child has to function, the awareness part of his being disappears. Another part of his or her mind goes into action then, to help him or her cope with the bad situation. Then memories are created, but they are hidden deep in the sub conscience mind. They usually stay hidden until this part of the memory wakes up again (which could happen in a dream). Because the traumas were so severe and bizarre, people tended to dismiss them. But now, people all over the country are finding these same memories appearing in people and are puzzled to know how to help them.
For many years, a little girl who was raped was forced to keep it hidden (by the perpetrator) and made to feel guilty for what was done to her. She was not allowed to tell people and when she did try, people would not believe her story. Today, that happens and because we now know it actually does happen, and has been happening all along, we will believe her story. It is the same way now with ritual abuse survivors. They are trying to tell their story, but not many people believe them, yet. But, in time, they will, and these people will be able to get the help they need, if we are diligent to learn how to care for them.
More on this later....
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