What do you have to do to ruin your family?

      This is an excerpt from a book called 'Designed for Dignity written by Richard Pratt. I thought this would be a good Biblical perspective on marriage and other relationships that we have with people. We always look at a relationship and when something goes wrong, we see what the other person is doing. All it takes is for us to let our guard down and sin will take over. The Bible is clear that sin is always at our door. We have to keep the door shut. But we can't do it in our own strength. We have to have the power of the Gospel in our lives. The is the only way we can have victory in our lives. If we don't have conviction for our own sin, we need to ask God to help us look at our hearts so we can see our own sin and deal with it. We are not responsible for the sins of others. We are only responsible for our own sin. God can give us a new heart with new desires. We need to repent of our sin, and turn to God and trust in what Jesus did on the Cross for us. That is where the power of God is.

‎"Think about how natural it is for you to rebel against God. Consider how easily you come under sin's influence. We do not have to devise ways to turn away from God. We do not have to plan on it. All we have to do is to drop our guard and sin inflicts its damaging blows. For example, what do you have to do to ruin your family? What is required to obliterate the bonds that hold your home together? In our fallen world, simply let nature take its course. Sin will prevail and your family will be destroyed." Richard Pratt- Designed for Dignity.

Words are Powerful Weapons

    What kind of words do you like to hear? Do you like it when people call you names? The Bible says that 'Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.'. Do you want members of your family to be physically and spiritually healthy? Then speak the words of health to them.
   Let's talk about name calling. I remember one time watching a grandmother talk to her grandson as if he were a piece of trash. She was setting him up for failure, whether she realized it or not. There was name calling involved. I can't help but wonder how this young man turned out, as he would be an adult at this time.
  Do we watch out and catch ourselves calling people names? How about labeling people and treating them  in a special way, according to what we see is wrong with them? Is there a better way to handle our anger and want for revenge on someone else?
  The Bible tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Can you imagine a society in which people were told bad things about themselves while they were children? What kind of society would be produced by that kind of treatment?
  So is the answer to use flattery? Absolutely not! Flattery is not encouragement. It is a counterfeit for true encouragement. Look for evidences of grace in your spouse or child (or other family member or friend) and recognize those. Let the other person see the grace of God in his or her own life. We don't need to be discouraging people because of our own pride. We need to tell them of the hope that is only in God, and the power of the Cross that is available to all who will trust in Him and turn from sin to God.
   If you have been guilty of name-calling or putting someone else down, please repent. The grace of God is for you to help you be a means of grace to someone, instead of using the power of your words to destroy another. God wants to help you overcome this, and He is for you and will be your help in change.

The Issue of Forgiveness

   What exactly does it mean to forgive someone? Are we always to forgive? Does that mean it is wrong for the legal system to get involved? How do we forgive someone when they have hurt us grievously? These questions have been asked over and over again by people who have been offended or hurt by another. There are different levels, or even types of offenses committed against us. Offenses could come in the form of slander or ridicule, or, they could be acts of treason against the offended party. They could involve sins such as murder or theft. Forgiving an offensive person can truly be hard, if not, impossible.
   But then, why are we expected to forgive, and how can we forgive? Why should we forgive? The easy answer would be to say, 'because God says so.' God truly does say that we are to forgive.
   Let's look at what forgiveness provides. We have to start with God. God is holy and perfect. He is also loving. The Bible says that we are His enemies. We know Satan is God's enemy. Satan is also our enemy. But we are enemies of God too. I think this is the first point that we really don't understand. By default, we think we are like God. We think we are basically good people. Some of us really assume we love God. But the Bible disagrees. It tells us that we love ourselves instead of God. To be honest, we really wouldn't care of God is in our lives or not, unless of course, we need something from Him. We live our lives in our own self-interest. But God created us to live out our lives for His glory, and not our own. You might argue with that and think that is going overboard. After all, God doesn't want us to be fanatical about Him does He? That answer is really the point of it. It shows that we don't want God to be involved in our lives, because we think our lives rightfully belong to us! Our lives belong to God, and not us. He created us to be used for His glory and to make His name known. If we can get this perspective right, we can understand the issue of forgiveness more clearly. If we don't get it, we won't understand what forgiveness is all about. I'll explain more here.
   The Bible is clear that we are wretched sinners with absolutely no desire for God. God is so absolutely holy that we are so far away from Him and understanding what He is like. The Bible says we are in darkness. But what God did was so amazing. Hang in here with me for another couple of minutes. God sent His Son, 2000 years ago, to pay the penalty for our sins, to provide the power for us to live a holy life, to have the power to combat the powers of darkness, to have the chains of the bondage of sin broken in us, and to give us eternal life through the Cross. The concept of the Cross is not just something we stick in the back of our minds that only comes out at Easter time or on Sunday mornings. It provides the power we need to have to live a holy life and now we can also have a relationship with God, whereas without the Cross, that would be impossible.
  OK, what does this have to do with forgiving others? Because God paid such a high price so that we could now have salvation and a relationship with Him, we can actually experience His forgiveness for us. He will freely now forgive us all our sin. Our sin against a holy God, is so indescribably bad. God could have made it easier for Himself and left us in our horrid condition. But He didn't. You and I can experience forgiveness from God for our sins, which is so tremendous.
  When someone sins against me it is bad. I have seen people sinned against terribly. I think of a story where a little girl named Susie was brutally murdered while her family was camping. Someone pulled her out of her tent and took her away, and stabbed her to death. No one in their right mind can imagine why someone would do that. You may have had someone sin against you terribly. Know this, God is very saddened and touched by your grief. God also promises that He will deal with those who have done such terrible atrocities to us. It may be in this life, or if not, it will certainly be in the next one.
   Take a horrible crime, like the one I mentioned. Everyone will see how bad that was to commit. I know we have a hard time seeing this, but our sin, before God is like that. When we sin, it is like committing treason against Him. We just can't see how wicked our sins are to God. But God will forgive us for them, if we want to be forgiven. Our debt to God, because of our sin, is so much more serious than when someone sins against us. But God wants to forgive us. And when He forgives us, we will be changed. When we walk in His forgiveness, we are changed people, by His grace.
  I also think, and this is important, that when we are asked to forgive someone, we, for some reason, think that we are somehow condoning the offender's crime. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have to understand this, or we could miss the whole point of forgiveness. There was an incident in which a prisoner, I guess, came to Christ and had a conversion experience. Well, this person happened to know Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa sent a message to those who were responsible for this man to be in prison. She said that they should set this man free, after all, we should forgive him for his crime. In her mind, forgiveness involved letting this person free from prison. Would that have served this person, or those around him? No. Would it have been the right thing to do? No, it would not have helped this person to experience the consequences for his sin. Forgiving a person for their sin does not mean that the person should not accept the responsibility for his crime! Forgiving a person does not let the person off the hook! Forgiveness for another's sin can be a wonderful picture of what God has done for us, and as a result, can set the offending person free to receive forgiveness for his sins from God, should God be working in his or her heart.
     I remember reading a true story of how a woman who was in bondage because of bitterness, had terminal cancer. One day, I guess as she was dealing in her heart about the offending person, she decided to forgive this person. As she did, she started coughing up and a tumor came out of her throat. She was suddenly cured of her cancer. Our bitterness (which comes from being unforgiving) can make us sick. If we can't forgive someone, we can develop some devastating effects in our bodies. We need to go to God and ask Him to show us more clearly the Gospel. Let us have a bigger understanding of who God is, then ask Him to help us to forgive others. Even hard core sinners can come to Christ. But if we are bitter towards them, and hold on to that bitterness, they won't come to Christ. We will be holding them in bondage, as we ourselves are in bondage. Ask God for help to forgive. Ask God for a softer heart. Ask God for a heart of compassion. And believe God will work, even in situations where it looks impossible. Remember, with God all things are possible. Forgiving others and loving the unlovable. Just like God did for us.

"God, where were You?" by Ed Welch

‎"God—where were you?” Ed Welch

“God, where were you?”

That’s the good version of the question, because you are still on speaking terms with the Lord.

But if this question is left unresolved, over time it becomes, “Where was God when __________ happened [I was raped, my child died, I was fired because of someone’s lies . . . ]? You are no longer talking to God, you are now talking about him.

http://www.ccef.org/blog/god-where-were-you

www.ccef.org

Struggling With Sin - Being Set Free to Serve and Love

Brothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering yourself, lest you also are tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1,2)

This is important to know if you are doing counseling. People get overtaken and trapped by their sins, so many times. Sometimes, when they come to Christ, they are already ensnared by a sin that will weigh them down. It is easy for us to tell people to repent. People need to repent. But what happens when a person truly repents, yet finds himself stuck in a sinful pattern? Do we assume that if the person has truly repented, that sin wouldn't be a big deal for him to get rid of? How many discouraged Christians are out there because they have a sin that is too big for them to handle. They wanted out. They repented. But they are still stuck there, and the sad part is, sometimes well-meaning people try to tell them that if they are really saved, they won't have trouble with sin anymore. Therefore, they must not really have repented enough. 

Let us listen to people when they are trying to get help. We need to stop ignoring the fact that sin can entangle us. We need to get the person in Christ untangled from his or her sin. Then they can be free to serve the true and living God, and do the same for other weak believers. Let us be forbearing and patient with those who are struggling. And above all, let us have compassion and humility in working with struggling brothers and sisters. Let's see more people in the Body of Christ come free of their sinful struggles. Let's be a means of grace to others.

Counseling Tidbit - Determining if a Person is a Christian By the Right Questions

  Instead of asking a person if they are a Christian, ask him or her what God is doing in their lives. The reason for this is because people have different understandings of what the word 'Christian' means. To some people, it means going to church and trying to be good. To others, it could mean, not being Jewish or Muslim.
  God deals with our hearts. That is how good counseling is done. Our knowledge is important, and we need to believe what is true, but if what we know to be true doesn't affect our heart, the Bible says that we are deceived. We become only hearers if we don't apply God's word to our hearts.
   The heart of counseling deals with what God is doing in our lives. The person being counseled may be a Christian in name only (nominalism). He or she may misunderstand what Christianity is about, and that will affect their ability to receive good and proper counsel. If we can sense that the person going for counseling doesn't understand the Gospel, we should teach them the Gospel. They need to hear. By asking them the question of what is God doing in their life, it will help them to see that God is likely not there, because they haven't responded to Him yet in repentance and faith.
   If after asking the question "What is God doing in your life", you can understand that they are recipients of the Gospel, then you can minister to them as a believer. The Gospel is the answer for all our sin and weaknesses. We will have the privilege of restoring a fallen brother or sister. Galatians 6 continues to tell us to bear one another's burdens, and that is forbearing or sticking with someone until we see them through. That is what the Body of Christ is supposed to be doing. Let us function as the church and love both the lost and those who know the Lord, and be ready to serve them in the way the is right for either group.

How Do We Counsel Without Trying to Fix a Problem?

Here is something I learned about this past week. I think sometimes, in our zeal and desire to help other people, when they come to us with their problems, we tend to try to fix them. What else are we supposed to do anyway? What should be our perspective on this? How do we bring God into the situation? If we try to 'fix' a person's problems, how are we really helping them through their problems? Are we really learning the lesson that God is taking us through? What is God's perspective and what is the best way to counsel another person biblically?