Dignity vs. Self-Esteem

   Why am I writing this? Because every since I have been studying Biblical counseling, I found a key component in how we should deal with people.
    People are complex beings, and the church seems to be perplexed on how to deal with them. First of all, human beings are made in God's image. That doesn't mean that God made them perfect and that people are automatically holy. But I do think that is a misconception of many professing Christians. On the other hand, human beings are sinful people living in a fallen world, ruled by a Master Deceiver. No wonder the world is such a mess!
  The way we understand people will manifest itself in how we treat others. In the world today, people are beaten down. The devil is constantly lying to us. Those who have come to Christ are targets for the Enemy of our souls. By the time we become adults, we are going to be on one of two ends of a value spectrum. We will either be so confident of ourselves, that we will be arrogant, or, we will think of ourselves as trash, and be discouraged in life. Neither view is correct, although in both, there is some element of truth.
   The world tells us that the answer to our problems is that we need to have 'self-esteem'. Is this correct? What I think the world is possibly looking for, is the word, 'dignity'. Dignity is not the same as self-esteem. Dignity is respect for human life. Self-esteem is like wishful thinking about how high and important we really are (or believe we are). Self-esteem is rooted in pride. Dignity recognizes that people are made in God's image and to destroy God's image is to be taken very seriously. Self-esteem involves flattery, whereas dignity involves encouragement. Self-esteem is the world's answer for dignity, because it cannot see what dignity is. Dignity has to do with fearing God and respecting life.
   The world teaches that man is the measure of all things. This basically means that man is at the top rank of any living being and gets to call the shots. We have seen what happens when cruel men reign. Dignity is destroyed. Manipulation is a tool that we use to get what we want. Left to himself, mankind would destroy itself.
   In the book of James, he talks about favoring the rich person, while treating the poor with less respect. By default, I think we all would tend to do this. We put value on a person, not because he or she is created in God's image, but depending on how much money he or she makes. We ignore the poor and needy. Many even show contempt for the poor. But Jesus did not even bruise a broken reed. We should do the same. We should seek out those in Lo-debar. Loving the ones in Lo-debar by Keith Collins
  Some things we can do to be proactive in this area are: Talking with children (but be careful and make sure you have a good relationship with the parents), reaching out to those of other nationalities or skin color, helping the homeless and needy (a good book on this is 'When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett) When Helping Hurts audio When Helping Hurts Paperback at Amazon
   The reason I say that talking to children is important is simply because we don't even think to do it. We adults just communicate with adults. We don't have any need to talk to children. But children need to know they are loved and wanted. They also need to know that they aren't trash. They are human beings who will grow up with some kind of belief system based upon many things that happened in their childhood years. If they are ignored, they will sense that they are not important to society. But they will become part of the fabric of society as they grow up and get on with their lives. They need to know that God loves them and that people love them too.
   I think of the many 'racial' issues we have in our country, and wonder if the root is possibly that some people really, deep down inside, don't believe that other people are as human as they are. Look at slavery. The slaves were thought of as less than human and many, though not all, were treated as such. Then we have the Holocaust. Obviously, Hitler did not think people of certain ethnic groups were of equal value to his. Darwin, in his book, 'Origin of Species' showed that black people were less developed than white people, and that women were less developed than men. Throughout the ages, in the Middle East, women were almost always treated with disrespect. They were considered 'lower' than men. In Islam, women have very few freedoms. But when Jesus came and interacted with people, He treated women with great respect. No one in that community respected women in that way.
  So, underlying our thinking is this thought that some people are lower or lesser than others, but that is not what the Bible teaches. And bringing dignity to people does not mean that crime and other evil acts are not dealt with. If we respect our children, then we will discipline them. But we will love them through the discipline. If we show contempt for our children, we are harming them. If we manipulate them to get them to behave right, we are not helping them. We have to respect those who are weak, those who are needy, those who are physically handicapped, and children (as well as elderly people). We need to bring dignity, not self-esteem, back to the human race.
   One last thought (actually I have many last thoughts, but I will write about them another time). in the book, 'When Helping Hurts' a mistake that we commonly make is to try to do for needy people, things that they can do for themselves. When we do that, we are stripping them of their dignity. There are times when we need to send help quickly, but there are other times when we just pass out money as if it were candy. The goal would be to help people when they are in a pinch, but also help them to get back onto their feet. The best way to restore someone's dignity who is in this position, is to give them a job. There is something really therapeutic when it comes to being hired, or serving someone at a workplace.
   More on this subject later on.......

Biblical Counseling and Pelagianism

   Have you ever tried to mix water with oil? Everyone probably has at some point in their lives. Well, that is what it would be like to mix the Pelagian doctrines with Biblical Counseling.
  Here are some reasons why these two don't go together:
1. Pelgians do not believe in Original Sin. That means, they do not believe that we are all born with sinful hearts since Adam fell. Pelagians believe that human beings are like Adam was before he fell. They believe people have a choice of whether they want to sin or not.
2. Repentance is a matter of making a u-turn. It involves living totally for God, instead of living for yourself. In repentance, you let go of those things that are more important to you than God is. But Pelagians teach that repentance means to 'stop sinning'. Again, it goes back to #1, where Pelagians do not believe in Original Sin. You have the choice and the power to not sin anymore, according to them.
3. God's mercy and love are left out, as well as His grace and power to overcome sin. You will not hear the words 'grace', 'love', or 'mercy' from Pelagians when they teach. Neither do they recognize the power of God as the only enablement for us to live the Christian life.
4. Pelagians do not believe God is for you if you sin. Also, that would mean that if you struggle with sin, addictions, or are enslaved by a sin and want to be free, you would have to free yourself. It is your responsibility before God to become 'sin-free'.
   So, by looking at the differences between what the Bible actually says about God and His care for his children who struggle against sin, you can easily see why Pelagianism doesn't work with Biblical Counseling. I don't want to speak for those who are Pelagians, but, from what I can tell by looking at what they say they believe in, it comes down to legalism. Although I don't think they believe that good works atone for sin, they do believe that obeying God is part of the equation for our salvation experience.
  How does this tie in with Biblical Counseling? In Biblical Counseling, you work with people that are believers in Jesus Christ and are following Him, yet, they have struggles with their sinful natures, whether it be with addictions, mental illness, past abuse, the list could go on. You can't tell a person who has mental illness to just 'stop sinning' and expect them to be perfect. You can't tell anyone, for that matter, to 'stop sinning' and be perfect. By perfect, I am using this word to mean being without sin. The Bible uses this word to mean 'mature'.
  Another way Pelagian beliefs do not work with Biblical Counseling is that God's love is left out. The Bible says that 'God is love'. That is part of who He is. Counselees need to understand that God loves them and will help them. God wants to set people free from sin. That is why Jesus died for us. He died to take away the wrath of God, but there is so much more. Now, we have the power to break sin that held us back before. Sin no longer has to enslave us. But it is not as easy as telling a person to 'stop sinning' in order to be free from sin. We cannot 'stop sinning'. But God in us can cause us to have the power so that we don't have to sin anymore. It is part of the sanctification process, which, obviously, is not something Pelagians would believe in either.
   The Bible tells us to 'carry one another's burdens'. Galatians also tells us to 'restore' a brother who has fallen 'with gentleness'. The process of this happening takes time and patience. People aren't restored when you tell them they are bad. If you have children, you already know that when the child sins, it doesn't make much sense to tell them what they did was wrong and make them feel hopeless and stupid because of what they did. You go back to the heart and explain to them the why of what is was they did, and the reason it was wrong, and what can be done to restore it. You still love your child and are for him and will help him to not fall into that sin again.
   Pelagians are strong in telling people about God's wrath and judgment. They are experts in doing that.
So, these are some of the reasons why the teachings of Pelagianism go against the teachings of Biblical Counseling as based upon the Scriptures.

Our Struggle With Sin and Condemnation

   A thought came to my mind this morning about our struggle with sin, and our receptiveness to condemnation. Two recent activities have helped me put this concept in a clearer light.
   There are a couple of understandings of sin and repentance in Christian circles today. There is a group which believes that when you repent and come to Christ, you are saved, but your repentance must involve not only turning away from sin, but actually, in this belief system, you must stop sinning or else your repentance isn't genuine. I have figured out now who this group of Christians is. They are Christians who follow the theology of Pelagius, a man who lived in the 5th Century and contended with Augustine of Hippo.
  The reason this is important to know is that many Christians today, perhaps unintentionally, are embracing Pelagianism, and bringing harm to the body of Christ. The way this looks in the circles of Christians I know, goes like this; " If you are really saved (are truly a Christian) then you will not sin anymore."It makes sense, only if you believe the teachings of Pelagius, for he did not believe in original sin. He does not believe we are born with sinful natures. Pelagius believed that we are born with the same kind of nature that Adam had when God created him, not the kind of nature Adam received after the fall. This is important to realize because the way Pelagians believe people are saved is by their 'free will' in choosing to come to God. The problem is that first of all, we don't have free will to come to God, and, the sinful nature we inherited from Adam was passed down to all of us, and we are all captives to sin. Pelagians don't believe this, and many Christians today do not believe we are born with sinful hearts.
  So, how does this tie in with our struggle with sin? When a person truly turns away from sin and comes to Christ in repentance and faith, the Bible says that he or she becomes a new creation in Christ. This person now has a new heart, with new desires and also God gives the power and grace to this person to live a holy life. The person who is a new creation in Christ also has, what the Bible calls, 'the flesh' to contend with. The person who has come to Christ now is in a battle against his flesh, the devil, and the desires and pull of the world. He or she will continue to struggle in this battle until the day of his or her death. Then the person is free from struggle. In the next life, after the resurrection, God will give new bodies to men and women, and this struggle against sin will be permanently over.
   There are some 'Christians' who hold openly to the doctrine of Pelagius. But this is dangerous to Christians who are battling against sin and having a hard struggle. Let me give you an example that is very common. Many, many people come to Christ who smoke. These people are addicted to nicotine. They enjoy the habit of smoking, but when they come to Christ, they do want to quit. That is a good desire. They feel guilty for smoking, yet they are powerless to quit. Many go on for years in secret condemnation for fear of what other Christians might think of him or her. Occasionally, some of these people do quit, and others are miraculously delivered from the habit of smoking.
   If these Christians who smoke find themselves around Pelagian believing Christians, they will probably receive condemnation from them. Although I don't think Pelagians actually believe in 'sinless perfection' once a person is saved, they do believe in self-sufficiency when it comes to the area of sanctification. (Sanctification is the process of growing and developing as a Christian. It involves God working His grace in a person's heart who has trusting in the death of Jesus to pay for his or her sins). From what I can tell by my studying Pelagians, they seem to have a works mentality for salvation, i.e. you must stop sinning in order to come to Christ. They also have a surfacy understanding of sin, which involves sin being defined as evil activities like committing adultery or killing someone. They do not see sin as springing out of the heart. Issues like pride and self-centeredness are not addressed in Pelagian theology. So, Pelagians would see Christians who smoke as sinners doomed to hell, because smoking is an outward activity that looks evil, but they do not see the pride that is in their own hearts as sin.
   Many who struggle with sin feel under condemnation simply because the Christians who are around him or her think like Pelagians. What we have to do is go back to what the Bible says. The book of John says that a true believer will not continue in sin. This epistle of John also explains that when a Christian sins, he or she has an Advocate for their sin, who is Jesus Christ. The key with the person who is a Christian who sins is not that he or she doesn't struggle with sin, but, does that person love the Lord and is he or she growing spiritually in the things of God? Struggling with sin (or against sin, rather) is now part of the new Christian's life that wasn't there prior to conversion.
  I know there are many professing believers who are in sin, who truly aren't Christians yet. They are in another category. Sometimes, it is hard to tell the difference between a struggling Christian and a false convert who is using God's grace as an excuse for continuing in sin. But God can make it all clear to us and He can help us to look at our own hearts.
  If you are a Christian who is struggling to please God and wish to be free from your sin struggles, take heart. God is for you. It might take a long time to be free from addictions, habits,, and other things that hold us captive, but God is stronger and is for you. Do not receive condemnation from the Enemy of your soul. Continue to grow in the graces that God has provided you with today. All the other things will take care of themselves in time.
  If you are a Christian who is not struggling against sin, but you are participating willingly in sinful activities, please know that this is not pleasing to the Lord. It brings dishonor to His name and hinders other people from coming to know the True and Living God. Your lifestyle choices will bring bad repercussions in the lives of others. At some time, God will deal with what you are doing, and it could be a very hard situation (I am thinking of a woman who was in the church I was at. She left her husband and went after other men. She dated an ex-convict and was murdered by him).
  If you are a professing Christian, but do not really know the Lord, you need to repent and place your trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior from sin. You might be able to fool people into thinking you are a Christian, as well as deceiving yourself into thinking that you really know the Lord and are safe from His wrath, when you are really under His judgment. You can fool a lot of people, but you will never fool God. You might have a high standing in your church or do a lot of 'good works' in the Christian community, but God knows your real condition. You do not want to be one of those to whom Jesus says 'I never knew you. Depart from me into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels'.
   By the way, if you are still wondering what those two activities are that led me to think about all this, the first is my study of Pelagianism, along with the many things I hear from Christian friends today, and how the two line up with each other. The other is the observation from people who either come to know the Lord and are struggling with things like smoking, or they are reluctant to come to know the Lord because they can't give up smoking, or, they don't have a deep understanding of how God can break chains and deliver us from sin, but in His own timing.
   I hope this article helps some of you reading it. I also hope it will help people to understand that when we come to Christ, the only thing we can bring to the Cross is our sin (C.J. Mahaney). We don't have to clean up our act, in fact, we can't. We don't have to stop sinning, although we do have to turn away from our sins (see the difference?). God cleans us up, gives us the power over sin, and changes us. We turn to Him, trust in Him, and let Him work in us. This is not passive! This is active.
   If you are not in a solid, Bible believing church, or if you do not have a Bible, please contact me and I will see if I can help with that. Please feel free to comment as well. Also, if I have written anything confusing or questionable, please contact me or post a comment. Thanks.

Don't Be Surprised At Your Spouse's Sin

     Here we go again. Another eye opener. Why is it that we think that, once we are married, we will live happily ever after?
     Most of us get married thinking it will make us happy. And marriage can make us happy. But what happens when our spouse sins? Are we surprised? Do we get angry? Do we become disappointed?
    Could it be that we have a wrong understanding of our sinful hearts and also of our spouse's? Many don't realize that when we come to Christ, although we are completely cleansed from our sins, we still have a sinful nature to contend with daily. Listen to this quote from Paul Tripp:
"It is when we face who we are and the fickleness of our hearts that we feel the need to have our hearts recaptured morning after morning. It is when we reflect on the fact that sin is not always a horror to us but sometimes appears positively attractive that we want to run into the protective arms of the Lord again and again. It is when we consider the dangerous temptation of this fallen world that we will want to get help for the battle day after day. It is fear of our own weakness that drives us to the Savior for strength. It is when we fear the power of foolishness that still remains in us that we are propelled to daily seek the wisdom that can be found only in the pages of Scripture." 
   Each one of us who have been born again has to make war against sin, every day. We all need the power of God to help us live a Godly life. Our spouses need the same. I like a quote from C.J. Mahaney which goes like this,  "Sin, though inevitable, is never acceptable." Can we grasp this concept for ourselves? How about for our husbands and wives?
  I'm not saying that we should let our spouses continue in sin. If our spouse is beating us up or abusing us, that needs to be addressed. But people have bad days. They get up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak. Can we be patient with our spouse and give grace to him or her? But even deeper than that, are we surprised when we fall into sin ourselves? In Proverbs 24:16 it says, "For a just man falls seven times, and rises up again: but the wicked will fall into mischief." God picks us up and dusts us off and will do the same for our spouses. 
   In Matthew 7, Jesus instructs us to take the log out of our own eyes, then we can take splinters out of other people's eyes. The key here is to deal with our own hearts before we deal with others. We have to deal with our own hearts because of remaining, indwelling sin. The Enemy of our souls will attack us with temptations only in the places where we are most vulnerable. We will not see those places, and that is why they get attacked. That is why we must be on guard and praying.
  So, do not be surprised at your spouse's sins, and don't be surprised at your own. It happens to all of us. The Bible tells us to be on guard against sin. It also tells us to pray for one another. This is something to think about. Something worthwhile to ponder.

The Many Motives We Have- The Flip Side

  A couple of days ago, I wrote about the many motives we have as human beings. We can desire to share the Gospel, and really love people, and at the same time have a strong desire to be recognized for our great accomplishments! What a mixed bag we are!
  I encouraged people to not give up on loved ones or friends who appear to be rebellious or obstinate toward the Gospel. We tend to look at people and think to ourselves, 'They will never come to Christ. Not with a heart like that." While it's true that they won't come to Christ with a 'heart like that', we have to always remember that God is a God of the impossible. Many have come to Christ, who, prior to their conversion, had hearts of stone, and who also mocked God and killed or harassed believers.
   But we do have to be careful to not let people take advantage of us. We all need to learn to hear God's voice and become discerning. I have to think of David Wilkerson, at this point. He heard God's voice clearly, many times, and stepped out in faith and obedience. One of the hardest people he ever ministered to was a man named Nicky Cruz. I haven't finished reading (or listening to) The Cross and the Switchblade, but I do know that Nicky Cruz came to Christ and had a radical conversion. Yet, even David Wilkerson could not imagine Nicky coming to know the Lord, when they were first introduced to each other.
   We love people and want to help them. We give to the poor. We are heartbroken over people's circumstances. But we do have to be careful to not let people take over our boundaries.
  Many haven't learned how to set boundaries, for various reasons. We have boundaries though, and they need to be defined. Our pocketbooks have limits. Our time has to be rationed out. So, I am not saying that we should let people walk all over us when we are trying to help them. We set limits. It is a hard thing for some people to grasp, because they don't understand about limitations nor do they know the best ways they can be served.
  I think about a person I counseled with for a long time. I learned a lot from her. She had some good understanding of the church, but at the same time, some ideas were warped. She pointed out that the church in the New Testament days, got together and put everything they had together, and sold things in order for people's needs to be met. A few people in the church had helped this woman tremendously with their finances and time, and whatever other resources they had available. But this woman didn't stop there. She believed people in the church should not take vacations and spend their money lavishly, but I couldn't see where people were doing that. Sure, people were taking vacations. One couple we knew of went on a cruise. But it was completely paid for by someone else. So, are we being selfish when we go on vacations and buy new cars? Shouldn't we take that money and use it to provide a ministry for people like my friend? When we counted all the money that had been spent on her, we realized the money was not just a couple of hundreds of dollars, but we are talking about several thousands of dollars. Yet she complained that she needed a lot more from us.
  I am writing this because I believe we really should help people, especially poor people. But sometimes, people don't know where the limits are on others, and will try to manipulate them to give more money to them. We are not necessarily supposed to do that, although there may be occasions where we do that in order to provide relief. We also feel guilty because we give and give, but they always need more, and we can't keep giving. The Enemy of our souls, as well as those we are helping, makes us feel guilty or like a failure when we run out of resources to help them with. Don't fall for that trick.
  So the flip side of helping people with different (and even opposite) motives, is to set boundaries for ourselves, and, as best as we can, help the other person or people that we are working with, understand what we are doing. Boundaries protect us, but they protect the other person as well. Something to think about.

The Many Motives We Have

    "Our motives, are mixed, at best" says C.J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries. I had never heard that before, neither had I ever thought about it until then.
   I believe he was referencing how easy it is to preach a message and have different motives while doing so. But I believe this applies to every person who has come to Christ and trusted in Him for salvation.
   What do I mean by this, and why am I writing a blog on it? The answer is simply because many of us counsel people or have difficult relationships with our children or other family members, and we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
  We can become so easily discouraged when we are working with someone, and we know, usually because of past experiences, that the person we are dealing with is manipulating, or trying to use us in some way. This problem is very common in families and relationships in the church and workplace.
  We have this relationship with a person, and the person has tried to rip us off or deceive us in some way, so we assume that the person will always hate us or try to use us. But here is where we have to be careful, because many times, people have more than one motive in what they are trying to do. Let me give an example.
   Years ago, I worked in a place where there were mostly young women. I was nineteen at the time, and God was working in my heart through the process of sanctification. I was being changed and loved sharing the Gospel with others (as best as I knew how). There was a coworker who was a sixteen year old girl who must have dropped out of school. Her mom had been married a few times but at that time, she was single, I believe. The girl seemed to live in an unreal world. She ended up meeting a guy and two weeks later married him. There were times when this young woman would ask a question concerning the Gospel. Sometimes, I would give her a tract and she seemed interested. But some times, I would find the tract in the garbage! Disappointing. But, how do I know that God wasn't working in her heart? I don't. I would tend to believe that she would just stay in ignorance forever because I would find a tract in the garbage or she would make a stupid decision like marrying someone she just met. I would write people like this off. I was assuming that her only motive was to be deceptive, but now I know that deceptive people can even have other motives for what they do, and sometimes, those motives are good ones.
   The reason for mixed motives in us is simple: We were created in God's image and the human race was plunged into sin and darkness with the fall. We are a fallen race of people, yet still bear the image of God, although marred.
  One more set of examples here. David Wilkerson, who wrote 'The Cross and the Switchblade' lived a life of faith that ended up bearing good fruit. He dealt with cruel, deceptive people who had no hope of the Gospel. In a sense, he entrusted himself to these people and showed love to them. He believed in faith that God was going to save them. I know what I would be guilty of in this kind of situation. I would think that if God were going to save these people, then He can reach them without me. If they really want to get saved, they can come to Christ by God working in their hearts. If I saw manipulation in them, or their trying to trick me, I would say goodbye to them. Not David Wilkerson. He loved people and saw past their manipulation. This is an encouragement to me.
   We have gone downtown to serve food and share the Gospel with the homeless, and we see a lot of manipulation. One guy that went down there got his wallet stolen. We were warned to not bring wallets or purses with us because they know who is new and naive, and they will try to take advantage of people. Is that a good reason to not go back there again? Of course not! We don't bring money with us, nor do we try to make something happen that can't happen (like provide a place for them to live). These people need to hear the Gospel and come to Christ. Only then will they have a new heart with new desires. And as time goes on, they will become less and less manipulative and deceitful.
  Don't let people's bad motives stop you from loving them! You might be the only Gospel message and hope that they will ever see. God can save anyone, even that sneaky relative you have. So, be patient with people and don't give up on them. And don't forget to pray for that person. Only eternity will reveal the impact of our love and patience with people. We will be surprised on That Day of those who came to Christ, because we didn't give up on them.

Whatever Happened to Marriage?

  I see the affects of broken homes everywhere, and have to ask the question, 'Why?' But before I attempt to answer the question, I want to make very sure that what I write is clear and that my readers won't read in things I am not saying.
  First of all, you might be a divorced person. Marriages that end in divorce, generally have one spouse who is the perpetrator (cause) and the other person is the victim. You might have entered marriage with the intention of having the best marriage possible, but your spouse didn't have that same vision, or didn't keep that vision. Also, it goes both ways. Men are perpetrators, but women are as well. This is not a gender issue or attack. I have seen where men leave their wives for other women, but I have to remember that even in my own family, where there was divorce, it was the women who wanted out of the marriage.
   A married person might be thinking, "I don't love him anymore. Why should we stay married?" Or another person could be having an affair on the side, and when caught, then that person turns against his family because he wants out so he can pursue his other lover without the hinderance of a family.
  If you are a victim of having a spouse who dumped you, then can I encourage you to stay close to those in your church? You will need the support of others and encouragement from those who have suffered and are able to help. You may have done things wrong in your relationship with your spouse, but it is not necessarily your fault that your husband or wife wanted out. I believe God has a special grace for you and will help you, especially if you are a single parent. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Have others pray for you and your family. God is for you, if you know Him.
  I think there are two basic reasons why people end up in a divorced situation. In our culture today, we have forgotten God. We don't fear Him, nor do we respect Him as a people. We think that His word is passe. That worked for Adam and Eve and Moses, but we are in a new day. But what does the Bible say? It tells us that God never changes. His principles and rules still apply today. Just because we commit adultery and get away with it doesn't mean that God isn't going to deal with it. If we are a child of God, then when we sin, God chastens us. It causes us to want to repent and be truly sorry for the wrong we have done. If we sin and nothing happens as a consequence, we need to be concerned. If we sin and get away with it, could it be that we really aren't one of God's children? In the Bible, every person is either a child of God or a child of the devil. If a person has been born again, then he or she is born into God's family and is His child. God promises to chasten us when we disobey Him. It is a good thing, but not necessarily pleasant. Ultimately, we will face God and our sins will be dealt with. They will be dealt with either at the Cross, or, on Judgment Day.
   Another reason why we turn to divorce is because of the influence and training of our culture. We have taken the concept which believes that when God's word conflicts with culture, then God's word must bend to what the culture says. In this case, and most people really don't realize what is going on, but culture insists on the belief system of convenience. Whatever is easiest. Whatever is most comfortable. Those are the values we cherish today. Whatever happened to doing hard things? I have heard so many people end up in divorce simply because they don't love their spouse anymore. Do they not realize that his or her spouse is a human being with feelings and a soul? Do these people think of their spouses as some kind of toy that they got bored with? Whatever happened to responsibility? I can tell you that responsibility is not really taught today, for it violates the concept of making an easy life for yourself.
   Years ago, when my dad was alive, he made some interesting statements. One of them was in reference to people, young men in particular, that he noticed were either lazy or irresponsible. My dad said that they should go in the army. When boys went into the army, they came out as different men. They had to learn responsibility. They had no choice. But today the army is optional and only those motivated to be part of it will join.
   When I was a child, divorce was rare. I am not saying that every person's marriage was great, but, at least there were family units that were whole. But today, the pendulum is swung in the opposite direction. In fact, many today choose not to marry but to live together in a marriage-like relationship, without taking the vows. Many don't want the responsibility of marriage so they just cohabitate instead.
   So, in conclusion, there are at least two reasons people feel free to divorce today. One is the lack of the fear of the Lord, and the other is that we don't want anything that requires hard work. Sadly, the ratio of divorce is equal to or greater in the church than it is in the world. But that is no surprise to me when 'Christian' song artists have a light view of marriage as well as many pastors who hold God's word lightly. There are other Gospels besides the only true one, and one Gospel would teach that God's desire for you is to make you happy. As one Christian song artist states, "If you aren't happy in your marriage, then I say, get out of it", which this woman did exactly as she recommends. Another Christian song artist did a similar thing in divorcing her husband because she didn't love him anymore. But this thinking is unscriptural and unacceptable. God does not give us permission to divorce our spouses on the basis of our happiness or our lack of love for someone.
   Marriage is hard work, and we all need God's grace to make a marriage work. Any person who is a true believer (follower) of Jesus Christ needs to be involved in a Bible believing church. When we really grasp how bad our sins are before a holy God, and recognize the mercy His has toward us, we will be able to extend that mercy to our spouses. But if we think we 'deserve' something better than what we have, we have misunderstood the Gospel and bought into the lie of the culture that teaches us that we are 'entitled' to good things and prosperity. Prosperity is a blessing from God. God promises to give us good gifts if we know Him. But these blessings are gifts and not things we receive because we deserve them. If we get what we deserve, we would get hell. And rightly so, because that is what sin does for us. "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ".
   Perhaps you do not know God yet and are not in a right relationship with Him. If you would like more information on this, please go to: The Gospel Conversation  or  http://test4gp.wordpress.com    This issue could not be more serious. Something to think about.