When I was a real little girl, (yes, I know that was a long time ago, but it is true) my mom took my brother and I to the grocery store. In those days, we walked to places instead of driving there. So, we were in this grocery store called, "Shop-Rite" and on the end of one of the aisles was a little toy section. For some reason, on this particular day, I wanted a toy from that selection. It was probably a book. I asked my mom if she would buy it. She said that she didn't have money to buy it with. Was she lying to me? I knew that if I went into her purse, I would find money. I always saw money when I got into her purse. What was wrong with this picture?
The truth was, my mom probably did have some money in her purse. But the money was going to be used to pay for something else besides a toy for me. In my preschool aged mind, I couldn't comprehend that. It didn't make any sense to me. The problem was that I wasn't mature enough, nor experienced enough to understand how people were supposed to spend money. I didn't understand the concept of a budget yet. I didn't understand that there were different allocations for the use of my mom's money. I simply did not have enough information to understand the bigger picture of life when it came to economics.
I said all this to say something related to this subject when it comes to counseling people, especially those who have been victimized. It is easy for those of us who have been taught well in the church to forget that not everyone has this understanding of life. Believe it or not, there are some people who have been raised in families who practiced Satanic worship. If any of these people ever do come to their senses, (which some thankfully have) we will have to be patient with them when it comes to trying to help them, and especially when it comes to helping them understand about life and how life works.
There are some people who, when they were children, had to raise themselves. They were true 'latchkey' children. They may not even have any idea who their dad is, and hardly see their momma because she is working 2 or 3 jobs to put food on the table for her children. These children are disadvantaged because there is no one there to teach them at home. I see people (adults) today just walk out into a road with busy traffic. Perhaps no on taught them how to look both ways when they are supposed to cross the street. Actually, there are a few latchkey children that excel, because they have figured out about life just by being in their own circumstances! I heard or read about such a person. He was homeless and not really allowed to be in school (because he had to have a home address in order to attend), but this young man was determined to make it in life. Educationally speaking, he made it to the top. This is rare, but it can happen.
Whatever the reason is, when people come to us for counseling in the church, some of them will not have a solid, well-informed background on life or reality. One person I know, had been taught that the devil was our creator and that he was the one who is sovereign over all. If we deal with a person who has this type of background, and we don't understand how this thinking could shape a person's worldview, we probably won't be of much help to that person. It was no wonder that the particular person struggled in understanding what the Bible says about who God is, and how His power can set us free. We don't have to be subject to the devil anymore, because of what Jesus did for us on the Cross.
Finally, when it comes to helping a person who has a background made up of false beliefs or ignorance, it will be hard for that person to know what to expect from the church, as far as being able to help them. How much can a church help? How much should a church help? Basically, there are different people in the church that have different giftings and abilities, and some of them can be applied to helping the person in need. One person can spend time walking the counselee through difficult times. Another can bring groceries. Some might be able to help in assisting in rent or helping pay the bills temporarily. The goal is to be with the person until they can get on their feet again. It is not to pay for the counselee's livelihood the rest of his or her life.
It is easy for those seeking help from the church to not have enough information to know what to expect from the church. It is easy for those who have been victimized or abused as a child, to look to the church to rescue them. Many times, they will come to the church for help, but will expect the church to take full responsibility for them, and when the church doesn't do that (or even people in the church individually don't do that for them), these people get angry. They might say something like, "These people have a lot of money, yet here I am sitting in poverty. It's not fair". These are real feelings that they have, but they are missing the 'bigger picture'. They might even imagine people in the church going on cruises or taking extravagant vacations and wonder why some of that money isn't delegated to their cause. This is what happens when people don't have the bigger picture of life. They don't have enough information to understand the framework of how life works for people who are Christians in the church.
So, the answer? I'm not really sure, but I know that the church has some responsibility to help the poor. Those who are being discipled properly know that their lives aren't their own. We are to 'love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength" and 'love our neighbor as ourselves'. We live sacrificially. It is possible for people to live sacrificially and still have two cars and live in a two story house on a nice piece of property. It is possible for people who love God with everything they have, to go on a cruise. But for people who are on the outside looking in, complaining because they are not getting the help they need because people in the church are being selfish, is something that they are concluding without having all the information. It is very similar to the time I thought my mom had enough money in her purse to buy me a toy, when she really didn't, although there was money in her purse. It just wasn't delegated for toys.
Yes, it is possible for people in a church to be selfish. There are a lot of reasons for that. That particular church might not value the Scriptures highly. Their focus could be on self improvement instead of the Gospel. But it could be a church that knows the truth, but is weak in doctrine. But if it is a church that is healthy and growing, and it appears that the people are selfish, perhaps in a kind way, the person being counseled can bring it to the attention of those in the church, and they can evaluate whether they are truly being selfish or not.
If you are reading this, and have been abused or are a victim of SRA or rape, you have my sympathy. I encourage you to find a good church in your area to get help (please email me privately if you don't know a church you can trust, and I will try to help you find one). But please be careful of what you think you should expect from the church. Really, Jesus is the only One who can rescue and give you the help you need. The body of believers in a church can help, but it will be limited. I hope this is helpful for my readers. Please email me if you have any questions at RUgood@mail.com .
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